A Penny For My Thoughts

Here’s some of the crazy shit that goes on in my head on a night like last night, when I went to bed at 3:30 AM and didn’t fall asleep till after 5:

“Why do they show these revival meetings on TV at this hour of the day? Some pretty fine preaching going on there. Did I lock the front door? <insert lyrics to country song here>. I wonder what I’m going to eat tomorrow night when they’re having curry chicken again. I hate curry. I don’t know what I’m going to write in my blog next…I need to make a post soon because I’m only averaging 10 page views a day. It’s really warm in here. Is that a spider on the ceiling??

“I hate it that children are being taken from their parents at the border. (I’m politically conservative but I’m outraged at what my countrymen are doing right now.) I’m hungry but it’s too late to eat. Or maybe it’s too early. I don’t know which. <insert lyrics to another country song here>. Brain, why don’t you shut the f##k up so I can go to sleep? I’d better try harder because Dr. Goodenough is going to increase my Zyprexa if I don’t start sleeping better. I wonder how I’m going to get through this next month money-wise. I only made it with $17 to spare this time. Oh good, Law and Order is on all day tomorrow.

“I want one of those crescent rolls left over from dinner. Which reminds me, I need to buy groceries. That black thing on the ceiling just moved!! Where’s the Raid when I need it? Uh-oh, I forgot to mail that check to the Department of Revenue yesterday. Why am I so uncomfortable in this bed tonight? <insert lyrics to classic rock song here>. Oh yeah, I don’t sleep in a bed, I sleep in a recliner. Haven’t slept in a bed in years. I’ve got to get up at seven to get my hair done. Where did I put my phone? Oh look, it’s the infomercial with Jane Seymour again. They run this thing almost every night. It’s not normal for a 66-year-old to look like she does.

“Gosh, it’s 4:30 and already getting light out. I love these loooooong days. I sure hope I can get at least a couple hours’ sleep. I need to start taking vitamins. It’s only 72 days till our cruise. <insert “99 Bottles of Beer On the Wall” here>. I wonder who’s doing the homily at Mass this week, I like it when Father Edwin does it. He really gets into it. Where IS my phone, anyway?? I must’ve left it out in the living room again. Oh well.

“OK, I’m only going to go to sleep if I shut my eyes. I wish I didn’t have to have the TV on at night but I need it for company. I listened to my wedding song today and I didn’t cry, yay me! OMG, where did that black thing go!?”

So goes my fevered brain at the ungodly hours between the time I finally go to bed and the time I get up. Funny thing is, I’m not tired in the morning when I don’t sleep well at night. It’s worse when I sleep eight or nine hours; in fact, I drag myself through the day and usually need a nap in the afternoon. The dishes don’t get done and I feel guilty because it’s about the only thing I do around here besides keep my room picked up and (very) rarely clean the bathroom. I don’t cook often because we’re supposed to be eating sort of healthy and I don’t know how to cook healthy—I fry or roast everything in oil or butter. Mmm, speaking of food, I love fried stuff. If I could give that up, I’d probably start losing weight again. Ethan and Clark do a nice job of fixing good food. But every time we go out to eat, I end up eating fried fish & chips or a burger.

Well, this isn’t the entry I’d intended to post, but lunch is calling me. I went to bed hungry and didn’t eat breakfast, which is normal for me. I don’t see the point of eating at night. A peanut butter sandwich sounds good about now…I need protein and relatively low-carb.

And so it goes.

Published by bpnurse

I'm a retired registered nurse and writer who also happens to be street-rat crazy, if the DSM-IV.....oops, 5---is to be believed. I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder at the age of 55, and am still sorting through the ashes of the flaming garbage pile that my life had become. Here, I'll share the lumps and bumps of a late-life journey toward sanity.... along with some rants, gripes, sour grapes and good old-fashioned whining from time to time. It's not easy being bipolar in a unipolar world; let's figure it out together.

6 thoughts on “A Penny For My Thoughts

  1. The description of your sleep/wake pattern, and your thoughts about it (including, “I love these long days…”) Is shockingly familiar to me. Truly uncanny. It’s the first thing I’ve ever read on a mental-health related blog that really “sounds like me.” Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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