“You look so beautiful! And you’re not manic!”

Such was the enthusiastic reception I got this afternoon from Dr. Awesomesauce as I sat down for our first appointment in three months. Damn, I didn’t realize how much I’d missed him, but I’ve been so stable I haven’t needed him—-as it should be! I think this is the first time he’s ever really seen what my “normal” looks like, and he was so pleased that he clapped his hands together like a child and complimented me again on how great I looked and how I presented myself. I guess he really did think I was a bit manic during the last couple of visits (even though I certainly didn’t). Which made me instantly grateful for the fact that I can actually be happy without being off my rocker!

Of course, I had to tell him that I got Social Security and I thanked him for the thoroughness of his documentation. He didn’t really want to take credit for it, but he was impressed with the fact that I never even had to see one of their psychiatrists, and was more than glad things had worked out for me. The only thing that worries him is if I can be careful with money now that I have some again; I reassured him that we are sitting on a pretty decent-sized chunk of the original settlement and are saving up to get a place of our own at some point going forward.

“Good for you,” he said, grinning ear-to-ear. “But if you start buying yellow toucan shirts again, you give that bank card to your hubby!”

So now that nothing’s broke, we are now going to try fixing it: e.g., we’re going down a little on the Geodon to see if we can wean me down, if not off, some of these meds. I had the choice between trying a lower dose of either that or the Zyprexa, which I swear is the glue that holds me together. Maybe someday, particularly if the Geodon titration goes well, I can try decreasing that too…..but we’re not going there yet. My tolerance for med decreases is historically poor; still, we’ve got to start trying because we’re running out of options for PRNs if something goes sideways and I need something extra to either get me off the moon or bring my out of a depression. Makes sense to me, although I am definitely a little nervous about changing anything when my mood is as stable as it’s ever going to get.

Anyway, I’ll be starting that in a couple of weeks once I get through the rest of my current prescription, and then I see him four weeks after that (assuming all is well). In the meantime, I’m happy, he’s happy, my family’s happy, and life is good.

Published by bpnurse

I'm a retired registered nurse and writer who also happens to be street-rat crazy, if the DSM-IV.....oops, 5---is to be believed. I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder at the age of 55, and am still sorting through the ashes of the flaming garbage pile that my life had become. Here, I'll share the lumps and bumps of a late-life journey toward sanity.... along with some rants, gripes, sour grapes and good old-fashioned whining from time to time. It's not easy being bipolar in a unipolar world; let's figure it out together.

14 thoughts on “

  1. Okay, I am no expert, but I do this too. Get “normal” and then the doctor starts messing with my meds to get me off of them. That’s when all hell breaks loose. Just a slight adjustment can throw me out of whack. PLEASE really monitor yourself as you change meds. Sorry if this sounds negative.

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    1. Yeah I thought that too, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” lol … I understand your rationale too BP but don’t you still have some wiggle room? You are not at a max dose yet.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No, and that’s why he wants me to try going a little lower so he can throw something big at me should the need arise. As the saying goes, I am on five psychiatric meds because I do not want six. LOL!


    2. I will. I don’t even start titrating till I get through this Rx (about two more weeks). He wants to take this very slooooowly because I really haven’t tolerated reduction well in the past. But then, I’ve never been this stable in the three-plus years I’ve been diagnosed, so who knows? 🙂


    3. I will. I’m pretty self-aware and am better at seeing oncoming trouble than I used to be. Anything goes even slightly off track, I’m going to be on the phone.


  2. Wish you the best with titrating down meds. Wonderful to hear about your session with Dr. Awesomesauce, especially that he said he looked beautiful (now I love the guy). I’m seeing my pdoc tomorrow. Pulled myself together and went on my lunch date today, which was an achievement. Now off to get my boy (or very young man) from school.

    Liked by 1 person

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