Ahhh…….this is more like it. More predictable. More comprehensible. More me.
A full week has passed since my brain’s transmission shifted into Drive, and I couldn’t be happier. I didn’t realize how bad things really were until the past couple of days; was it really only three weeks ago that I was desperate to run away? And why, oh why, couldn’t I see what was happening to me and call Dr. Awesomesauce instead of enduring SIX WEEKS of that nonsense?
I know the answer to that, of course: because it was a mixed episode and I couldn’t find my way out of a paper bag, let alone a complex and confusing syndrome such as this. I knew something was terribly wrong but I couldn’t tell up from down, nor could I figure out what may have caused it. Which is hard to deal with when you’re as analytical as I am and you can’t put a finger on any one thing.
So now that it’s over, it seems like a good time to do a little Monday-morning quarterbacking and try to understand what happened. In retrospect, I think the extreme stress of that five-hour road trip in the worst weather conditions I’ve ever been in, followed swiftly by the auto accident that resulted in a broken toe, might have touched it off; trouble is, I labeled the whole shebang as “situational” without considering the fact that even situational mood swings still deserve treatment.
I kept telling everyone who voiced their concerns that you can’t medicate everything away, and I still believe that. But I guess you CAN medicate the part of it that belongs to your disease, because that’s what Dr. A did and it broke the damned thing’s back. It took over a week, and there were some pretty grim days in between; but when it started getting better, it got much better and now I’ve had a full week of normal without feeling so flattened emotionally. I get irritated at stupid drivers, I enjoy a good meal and the company of my grandkids, I can fully appreciate the beauty of nature, and even work isn’t quite as big a disaster as I thought.
It’s all good—the panic and the rapidly shifting moods are gone, and I’m still on the full dose of Zyprexa along with my other meds. (Dr. A never did call back to tell me to taper my dosage, so I think I’m safe in assuming I’m not supposed to.) Another lesson learned: never try to push through a serious mood episode without help, even if I do think it’s “situational”.
And that’s our post-game wrap-up, sports fans……thanks for listening.