Yep, I’m on a roll. I’ve had five golden days of feeling blessedly normal, and believe me, that’s a miracle considering how rough the past couple of months have been. Two weeks ago I was talking crazy about packing up Will and the pets and lighting out for parts unknown; today I was able to write a professional- grade report on last week’s training activities (which goes in my employee file) and come up with several solutions to my difficulties at work.
At long last…..I think I’m OK. 🙂
As promised, I left a message at Dr. A’s office this morning with a statement to that effect. I pretty much expected him to call back and advise me to taper the Zyprexa over the next week or two like we did the last time I was on it, but interestingly, he didn’t. He usually pulls me off the stuff as quickly as possible, but I suspect he wants me to be better for awhile before we talk about discontinuing it. I can’t say it’s a bad thing. We’re getting into the seasonal danger zone here, and it would be in EVERYONE’S best interests for me to have a good solid remission going before the warm, sunny weather arrives.
At the very least, it doesn’t look like the Z is going anywhere until my appointment on the 18th. In the meantime, I’m not putting on weight (thank goodness Lent intervened and I’ve been off sweets for several weeks) and I sleep like a baby most nights (no, that doesn’t mean I wake up every two hours and cry). See, I’ve even got my sense of humor back!
Honestly, this is a blessing from above. I did unusually well through December and January, but then it all fell apart again in February, and March was just hellish. I’d much rather deal with either mania or depression than these mixed moods, but of course if I had my druthers, I’d really rather not have any of it. It feels like I spend an awful lot of time either in a mood episode or recuperating from one, and sometimes it just wears me down to the point that I ask myself why I keep fighting when there just never seems to be an end to the madness. But all I have to do is glance at my dear husband, hear the voices of my children, or hug my grandsons to be reminded of why I must continue to fight the good fight no matter what.
Five good days, and tomorrow is looking pretty decent as well. I’ll take it. 🙂