Back To Life

OK, today’s been a much better day. I got some serious sleep last night and woke up this morning feeling perfectly fine, as though yesterday had never happened. Gone is the restlessness that had me tapping my feet incessantly and made me pop up from my computer chair to go see what was going on outside, or take something to the kitchen, or go through the mail again, or deadhead the petunias.

Gone also is the feeling like everything is out of control. Yes, our situation is just as shitty as it was yesterday, but half the month’s rent is paid, all but one of the bills are paid, and we have food and medications in the house. The pets are fed; there’s gas in the car; we still have cable and Internet. First World problems, I know, but when you’re thisclose to disaster, everything that puts off the day of reckoning—even by a little bit—helps.

I can’t believe that a single night’s quality sleep makes THIS much of a difference. It didn’t hurt that I was worn out from a visit from my grandkids, who aren’t the most physically active kids I’ve ever known, but they are talkers—I can barely keep up with them even when I’m on a roll myself. Inevitably we each raise our voices to talk over the one who won’t shut up until we’re practically shouting to be heard…..yeah, it gets pretty noisy around here!

But it was good to feel tired, not wired, when bedtime arrived, and I was asleep within minutes after Will turned out the light. Didn’t wake up during the night, didn’t have bad dreams. I slept so well that when he got me up at 8 AM, I was ready to face the world. It was so wonderful to feel normal that it didn’t even occur to me to think “Here we go again” when I took my morning meds.

This good feeling does not, of course, negate the difficulties in which I find myself. I’ve been summoned to a meeting at the unemployment office to discuss the reasons why I’m still unemployed after six weeks, and I’m at a loss. Maybe they can give me some creative ideas about how to get around the fact that I’ve had three jobs in 13 months, or some tips for bullshitting interviewers as to why I’ve been let go twice in the same period of time. The truth certainly isn’t an option, but neither is sponging off the government for 26 weeks and starving to death anyway while I try to re-invent myself yet again.

But I’m back to life as I know it, and I’m calm…..yes, I am. Calm, cool, and collected. And if I can get another good night’s sleep, I just might find some of my confidence again. Go me!




Published by bpnurse

I'm a retired registered nurse and writer who also happens to be street-rat crazy, if the DSM-IV.....oops, 5---is to be believed. I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder at the age of 55, and am still sorting through the ashes of the flaming garbage pile that my life had become. Here, I'll share the lumps and bumps of a late-life journey toward sanity.... along with some rants, gripes, sour grapes and good old-fashioned whining from time to time. It's not easy being bipolar in a unipolar world; let's figure it out together.

3 thoughts on “Back To Life

  1. It is really hard to get around a bad work history- which is why I stayed at a job that I knew almost from day 1 was the wrong job and put me into severe depression- until I had been there at least a year. But previously I had had to change fields to get back into the work world- I wasn’t about to mess this career up. Job luck! Happy creative resume writing. Also- often travelling agencies will hire- and sometimes you don’t have to go very far- and they may not look so hard at a work history as it is a temporary commitment.


    1. Thank you so much for your comments. I really am considering making a wholesale change to a different line of work, it’s just hard when I’m so much older than the average worker and I know I won’t make the kind of money that I’m used to. But I sure can’t go on doing what I was doing.


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