…..my hypomanic episode, that is. Thank God.
I noticed that I was starting to settle down last night, and now having gone to bed at a decent hour (2 AM as opposed to pulling those all-nighters) and slept well, I feel almost normal again. I have something important coming up on Monday, and I was getting really nervous that I wouldn’t be able to hide my excitement and then I’d blow it. Now I think I’ll be okay—I still feel very confident that I can handle whatever happens, but not overconfident like I was for a bit there.
Naturally, there are lessons to be learned from this (aren’t there ALWAYS?) and I think the most important was not to get too big for my britches……and that my diagnosis is, indeed, correct. I was wandering into dangerous territory there in thinking that perhaps I was actually recovered from a long-lasting episode of angst. Heh. I should’ve known that things were going sideways when I started pondering whether I was really bipolar or not!
The other big breakthrough is that this was the first time I’ve recognized AND acknowledged that I was ramping up before it became a serious problem. As you all know, I loooooves me some hypomania and always want to go with the flow, utilizing that boundless energy to accomplish things I ordinarily wouldn’t. Unfortunately, this often leads to full-blown mania, and we all know how well THAT usually works out for me.
And I didn’t even need to call Dr. Awesomesauce. I’d decided that no matter what, I was not going up on that antipsychotic again because I can never seem to get the dose back down…..thank Heaven I didn’t have to. All I needed was to force myself to calm down and go to bed at a normal hour (for me), take my meds on schedule, and not let myself become so overstimulated at night.
Today, my thoughts are starting to “jell” instead of being so tangential that I was even confusing myself, and Will says I’m making sense to him too. I guess I was pretty much all over the map; I can see it in my writings over the past several days, and before that I was spending too much money and doubting my bipolarity. Yep, something was definitely off-kilter; I’m sure glad to know that it’s possible to catch it before it gets away from me!
I am now left to wonder what it is about this time of year that gives rise to this sort of thing. Late August brings a low-grade depression thanks to changes in the angle of the afternoon sun, while in late October I tend to get jacked up like I do in the spring, even though the sun is much lower in the sky and it gets dark early. Who knows?
But I’m not going to worry about it now. Instead, I think I’ll take a wonderful snooze by the fireplace with a nice blanket and the dog in my lap. Got to get all caught up on that sleep, you know. 🙂