I’ve been a little worried about myself lately. For a couple of weeks now I’ve felt anxious and depressed in the mornings, which doesn’t last throughout the day but is concerning to me. I am rarely if ever depressed during the summer; usually I’m fighting off mania and staying up all night, and that’s justContinue reading “Off-Kilter”
Tag Archives: grief
The Remains of the Day
My son and I finally cleaned out Will’s closet and dresser drawers today. It took me almost 16 months to be ready for this day, but it was definitely time. I’ve been looking at his things and steeling myself for the inevitable. I knew it was going to be hard. As we went through theContinue reading “The Remains of the Day”
The Dumb Question of the Year
Yesterday was my every-other-month appointment with Dr. Goodenough, and I’m still amazed at how much we cover during the course of 30 minutes. He always encourages me to talk about Will, and it all comes tumbling out without permission from my brain. I get to talking and I can’t shut up! Not that I mindContinue reading “The Dumb Question of the Year”
Sigh of Relief
I made it. The year of firsts is finally over, and I got through it. The night of the 12th was the hardest, although yesterday was rough too. I cried a lot, lit a candle, and wished all the voice mails I’d saved hadn’t been lost when I got a new phone last weekend. IContinue reading “Sigh of Relief”
A Blast From the Past
Well, the “year of firsts” following the loss of my husband is about to come to an end. The anniversary is next Thursday, July 13th, but it’s the night of the 12th that will haunt me forever. I remember, as if it happened yesterday, the horror of watching him writhe in pain and throw upContinue reading “A Blast From the Past”
Round And Round
…What goes around, comes around and so on. Or so claimed the song by Ratt, way back in the ’80s when music still made sense. (Well, it did to me. But then again, Will and I were smoking a lot of weed in those days.) Spring has at long last arrived, and with it comes someContinue reading “Round And Round”
Bipolar and Loss
Being on disability, I’ve had a good long time to process what has happened to me in the past few years, and finally some clarity has emerged. Not only am I dealing with the loss of my husband, but I still have unresolved grief for the life I had before my bipolar diagnosis. As thoseContinue reading “Bipolar and Loss”
A Little Bit of Everything
Sorry it’s been almost a month since my last blog entry, but lately several topics have crowded my brain and I can’t decide which one to write about. So I’m just going to cram all of them in this one and hopefully it’ll make sense. I think the most important thing is the subtle change inContinue reading “A Little Bit of Everything”
No More Blues
Spring hasn’t sprung yet, but I’m out of that mild depression I’ve battled for much of the winter. I woke up the other morning with a sunny disposition, and I’ve done so ever since. I still stay up too late and sleep in almost every day, but otherwise I’m in good shape. Not even the rainContinue reading “No More Blues”
Valentine’s Day: The Struggle Is Real
I’ve never really liked Valentine’s Day. I’ve long suspected that it’s a fake holiday invented to fatten the wallets of the CEOs of the chocolate and florist industries, so I didn’t make a big deal out of it. Will, on the other hand, always bought me a card and roses, and in good years we went out forContinue reading “Valentine’s Day: The Struggle Is Real”
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