emotions – bpnurse

The Eyes Have It

One of the funny/strange things about bipolar disorder is the way people’s eyes change when they’re in a mood episode. Seriously. I can always tell when I’m manic, even when I don’t think so otherwise, because my eyes actually sparkle and change colors. My hazel irises turn green and there’s this slightly mad look inContinue reading “The Eyes Have It”

Mixed Feelings

It’s been eight weeks since Will passed away, and all I can say is that I’ve got a shitstorm of emotions going on. Which isn’t surprising, or even all that awful, it’s just weird…like bipolar on crack. I can go from happy and smiling to a weepy mess in a matter of seconds, and vice-versa. I canContinue reading “Mixed Feelings”

You Don’t Know What You’ve Got Till It’s Gone

I’ve had time now to reflect on both the game-changing appointment with Dr. Awesomesauce and the death of Robin Williams, and between those events and my chronic worries, I’m feeling sort of, well…..squirmy. It’s hard to describe, this restless, inwardly agitated sensation; it’s not depression, and it’s certainly not mania. In fact, it doesn’t really haveContinue reading “You Don’t Know What You’ve Got Till It’s Gone”

Insanity Plea

Now that I’m on a roll (four good days in a row!!), I thought it might be interesting to talk about how people with mental illness learn to determine the difference between what is “us” and what is our disorder. It’s taking me what seems like forever to figure this out, and even though I’ve got a decent handleContinue reading “Insanity Plea”

In A Mood

I swear, some days it’s just not worth chewing through the restraints. It all started with the hour I spent this morning arguing with my cell phone carrier over unauthorized charges on my bill. My husband, sister and I are all still on the family plan she started some five years ago, for which we used to shareContinue reading “In A Mood”

Moment of Truth

We are now less than twelve hours away from Will’s liver biopsy, and do you know what that man is doing? Changing the sheets on our bed and cleaning out the cat litter box as if there were absolutely nothing wrong with him……as if he hadn’t been so weak earlier this morning that the priest broughtContinue reading “Moment of Truth”

I’m Not Manic Anymore. Now, I’m Just Pissed Off.

And I really have no idea why. But of course, I’m going to sit down in front of the computer and attempt to analyze (read: over-think) it all so I can figure out the ‘why’ that bugs me so much. My p-doc has often mentioned journaling……well, it didn’t occur to me until relatively recently thatContinue reading “I’m Not Manic Anymore. Now, I’m Just Pissed Off.”