It’s been several months now since my brain last attempted to murder me, and with the passage of time the harsh lines that defined that episode and the resulting hospitalization have blurred somewhat. Now I look back and wonder how I could have even THOUGHT about suicide, let alone planned it…..only the method, and whetherContinue reading “Surviving Bipolar”
Category Archives: All Aboard the (Bi)Polar Express
We Shall Overcome
Today I did something I’m quite proud of. As my readership knows, I am having a miserable time of it these days. I am depressed and fearful; my days are spent sorting and boxing things up, and my nights are full of disturbing dreams. I’m trying to look for the good in all of this, and failing utterly.Continue reading “We Shall Overcome”
SSDI
That’s not a mistake—it’s shorthand for Social Security Disability Insurance. There’s a big difference between SSDI and SSDD (Same Shit, Different Day). Then again, there might not be. I just got done filling out about 20 pages of information about my functional status and all the jobs I’ve held over the past 15 years. They didn’tContinue reading “SSDI”
DX: Bipolar I
Awhile back, I wrote a post about my frustration with what I considered to be a “wastebasket” diagnosis (bipolar not otherwise specified), wishing Dr. Awesomesauce would pick a number and settle the question for good. I was in bipolar limbo; I remember the Vocational Rehab counselor who asked if I was BP 1 or 2, and trying toContinue reading “DX: Bipolar I”
Depression On My Mind
One of the advantages of admitting one is depressed is it takes all the pressure off to pretend otherwise. I’ve fought it tooth and nails for over a week, but the truth is I feel lousy and I may as well acknowledge it. There’s no use in trying to pass it off as a little blip on the radar, or blame it solelyContinue reading “Depression On My Mind”
I’m Not Depressed. No, Really.
Sometimes I’m amazed at my ability to stand outside my own life as an observer. I should be wrapping and packing our stuff, but on this rainy, dreary day I have chosen to play armchair quarterback and analyze how I’ve been feeling over the past week or so. I don’t know if it’ll help me sort things out, butContinue reading “I’m Not Depressed. No, Really.”
Out Of The Blue
I promised you a few posts ago that I’d write one about mood episodes that come out of nowhere, and since I really don’t have a lot to talk about today, here it is. I call them “sneaker waves”—mania or depression that has no identifiable trigger, but which slaps me flat and knocks the wind right out of me.Continue reading “Out Of The Blue”
A Fine Mess
And now it begins: The enormity of what I’ve lost, am losing, and am about to lose is beginning to crash in on me, and it’s staggering. My unemployment benefits are running out. I can’t find a “real” job. Will’s Social Security isn’t enough to get us into even a small apartment, ergo, that means we are goingContinue reading “A Fine Mess”
Won’t Get Fooled Again
One of the stupid little tricks my mind plays on me once in awhile is trying to fool me into believing that my psychiatric issues are caused by other processes. Today I was reading something about the cognitive changes that sometimes strike people in late midlife, and one phrase stood out like a sore thumb: “Some patients may experience not only a decline inContinue reading “Won’t Get Fooled Again”
Feeling SAD
No, not to worry—I’m not the least bit depressed. Today I’m going to talk about seasonal affective disorder, or SAD for short, which is not a “bipolar thing” but a common affliction among people living in the northern latitudes. That’s not to say that folks living in the tropics don’t get it, but in placesContinue reading “Feeling SAD”
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