The cherry blossoms are on the trees, and my allergies know it. The tulips are coming up and the sun has been shining a little more than usual, so while it’s still technically winter, it feels more like Spring has sprung. This is a GOOD thing. My winter funk has gone away already—no more waking up anxious and depressed, even on rainy mornings—but I’m not ramping up either. Dr. Goodenough is pleased too. We had an office visit earlier this week and other than a little distress about my restless legs, which has an explanation, I’m feeling better than I have in months.
Here’s the thing about the restless legs. I don’t actually have restless leg syndrome, but I experience almost constant movement of my legs and feet whenever I’m sitting down, which is a good portion of the time. There is no music playing (though the TV is always on) but my lower extremities dance like crazy. My husband Will used to call it “happy feet” since it used to be a reliable indicator that I was on the verge of a manic episode. Now, it’s just leg-bouncing and I’m not even aware of it. I can make myself stop for a little while if I realize I’m doing it, but as soon as my mind goes elsewhere it starts again.
The good news is, it’s not uncomfortable, like akathisia or RLS. The bad news is, it’s called tardive dyskinesia (TD) and it’s caused by taking antipsychotics. And according to Dr. G, the only way I could get rid of it is to get off Zyprexa and Geodon and go on Clozapine, which is one of the most hardcore antipsychotic medications there is. To this I uttered an emphatic “HELL no!” I mean, weekly blood tests to check levels for the first six months? Being a total zombie? And possibly ending up even worse? Thanks, but no thanks. I also don’t like the idea that my bipolar is apparently bad enough that it would have to be controlled by such a heavy-duty drug if for some reason I could no longer take my current APs. They have medications for TD, but that wasn’t mentioned and I didn’t ask. Dr. G is not a drug pusher, and I think I take enough pills as it is.
In the meantime, it’s only 10 days until we leave for our cruise to Mexico and all of us are a little concerned about the Coronavirus. I’m not the least bit worried about actually getting sick, but I’d hate to be quarantined to my stateroom for two weeks, or not even being able to get to the ship because our flight got cancelled. So we’re all walking around nervously, hoping and yes, praying that everything works out. Ben and Clint, especially, need this vacation after the past eight months of nonstop stress. They are both burned out and deserve some time to relax. And I’ve waited a year and a half for this trip as well. I’m ready for some fun and sun!