Happy Holidays…I Think

As Christmas arrives, I’m definitely struggling to keep up appearances. This is supposed to be the happiest time of the year; it’s not anyone else’s fault that I’m sad. But I did lose it with my son-in-law this afternoon, and cried into his sleeve for what seemed like an hour. Thank Heaven for him, he always seems to be there with strong arms at my worst moments and even though he doesn’t know exactly how I feel, he gets it somehow, and he is an amazing source of comfort. So Clark, if you’re reading this, God bless you!

It also reminded me of how incredibly fortunate I am to be surrounded by family, not only at Christmas but all through the year. I don’t always hear from some of my children as often as I’d like, but I know they still care about me even though their father is gone. And despite missing my home—and the holidays we spent there—I’m actually glad I’m not rattling around there all by myself. The last Christmas in that house, without lights or trees or decorations, was the worst one of my life and I don’t think I’d do well if I were faced with a similar situation now.

I have so many wonderful memories of Christmases past. That’s why it’s so hard to accept that Christmas has changed, and that I have to change with it. But those memories are something that no one, and no circumstances, can ever take away from me…and now it’s time to make new ones.

To my readers: Thanks for hanging in there with me through good times and bad, thick and thin, manic and depressed. May your holiday season be merry and bright, and may the New Year bring you all good things. 🙂

Published by bpnurse

I'm a retired registered nurse and writer who also happens to be street-rat crazy, if the DSM-IV.....oops, 5---is to be believed. I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder at the age of 55, and am still sorting through the ashes of the flaming garbage pile that my life had become. Here, I'll share the lumps and bumps of a late-life journey toward sanity.... along with some rants, gripes, sour grapes and good old-fashioned whining from time to time. It's not easy being bipolar in a unipolar world; let's figure it out together.

4 thoughts on “Happy Holidays…I Think

  1. Merry Christmas! I’m glad you have someone who’ll listen and try to understand.I know what you mean about not always seeing the kids, only three out of our six kids showed up for Christmas yesterday, but we had a good time anyway!

    Liked by 1 person

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