I forgot my meds last night.
I haven’t done that in over a year, and the last time I did it I experienced the entire bipolar spectrum in one day. This time, I’m kinda numb around the lips and my head is buzzing, but other than feeling a bit on the hypomanic side I’m OK. I was wondering why the hell I wasn’t sleeping; usually I’m asleep by 1 AM, but it was probably 4 before I figured it out. Then it was too late to take them, so I dozed fitfully until I finally gave up around 9. Now in the middle of the day, I’m almost hyperalert and am perched on the edge of my seat on the big sectional. Not good.
Speaking of the sofa, that’s my favorite place to watch football. I’m currently watching Denver play Indianapolis and keeping track of my own two teams (Seattle and San Diego) via the Internet. I miss having Will beside me during the games; he was never as interested as I am, but he always enjoyed them…mainly because it was time spent together. My family, on the other hand. literally hates football and will scatter to their various bedrooms while I’m watching the Sunday game. So now it’s “laugh and the world laughs with you”; cheer for your favorite NFL team and you cheer alone.
Now it’s time to talk about the weather. I don’t know why, it’s just that I never think of talking about it except when it’s been raining for three weeks straight and my SAD kicks in. While it’s still technically summer until later this week, the weather has done a 180 and fall has definitely arrived. It was 85 degrees and sunny Friday, and yesterday it was 65 and raining. But although I’m sorry to see the last of the 80s and the soft warm breezes, the change of seasons means it’s that much closer to our trip in November. My boys seem to have this idea that the family needed to go on another cruise this year, and they won’t leave me behind so guess where I get to go this time? Belize. And Mahogany Bay (Isla Roatan, just off Honduras). And Cozumel (again). Where it’s summer all the time. I could get used to this…and I might as well, because next year we’re going on a cruise AND to Disney World.
In the meantime, the lack of appetite that occurred when Will passed continues, as does the weight loss. I’ve shed 28 lbs. in a little over two months and I’m not even trying, although I think it has a bit to do with the fact that I’ve developed something of an aversion to soda and am no longer eating bacon, sausage, butter, or sweets on a regular basis. Nice to know my metabolism still works, despite the fact that I also have an aversion to exercise.
Believe me, I’m grateful that I can once again go around a grocery store without my back killing me or me leaning over the cart because I’m winded just from walking. Anything more than that is just not in the cards right now because everything hurts, including the newest spot where my arthritis has settled (both shoulders). Who knows, maybe next spring I’ll be down another few pounds and can handle some gardening, which is the only form of physical activity I enjoy, other than swimming (and lovemaking, but that sure ain’t happening anymore).
Did I mention that I miss my husband? So much that I caught myself the other day searching through old voice mails on my phone just so I could hear his voice again. Thank God I saved them. Of course I cried like a baby, but it was so comforting in a way that I did it again and again until I’d wrung all the joy and pain out of the experience.
And life goes on.
bpnurse 
I enjoyed reading this.
Re the meds, you’re human!
Re football, I’m not crazy about it but I do love my Pats, lol! 😀
Re the weight loss, that is great! Are your DM meds likely to get d/c? that is awesome awesome awesome!!
As to Disney, give me a shout when you are near by if you want some company! It’s not likely I will have $ to join you, but you never know lol It would be so fun to meet you!…
As to the voice mails, I am glad you have them!
((((GREAT BIG HUGS!)))))
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Feeling for you and hope you feel better soon. I have see what happens when my wife misses her meds, so I know it can be tough to bounce back from that. I saw my Bucs get stomped on today…*sigh*…my only consolation is that Florida State got completely obliterated, which put a smile on my face! Take Care!
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Maybe it’s me; I read this post and in between all your words about football and weight loss I heard the emptiness in your home that echoes back to you now that your husband is gone. You’re doing everything they say you should do – contact with people you’re close to, writing, getting out. That seems obvious. But it’s hard to just pick back up again, isn’t it?
Forgetting one med dose isn’t the end of the world. Please make sure some part of you didn’t want to skip it to punish yourself in some manner. That’s what I’d be doing: pushing myself to try and find some external pain that matches my internal pain. Sometimes even a day dealing with the merry go round is better than facing everything else. But remember your loving husband wouldn’t want that for you. ❤ Be well.
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Thank you so much for your kind and wise words. You really nailed it! God bless you.
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Forgetting my meds is like a disaster for two days. I start feeling light headed and seriously out of it by about 3pm. I (like you) only do it very rarely, but it sure is a learning experience. Whenever we travel, I spent quite a bit of time checking and rechecking to make sure I have them. Sometimes my husband (in your case your kids), even take an extra set.
I am so excited you are going on another cruise. The last one seemed to really do you good.
The weight loss is obviously not for a good reason, but is still a blessing none the less. Since you are doing so well, try to learn from what and how you are eating. The weight loss might be a tiny silver lining.
It just sounds like you are doing about as well as anyone could be, give yourself permission to have a crappy day or two or week.
You are much loved out her in the cyber world, remember that! I wish I could be there to give you a hug and have some coffee (but NO pastry!) in person.
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Thank you, my friend!
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Sending you my love as you continue to grieve. Like that you saved Will’s voicemails to listen to again. I assume that your grief has affected your appetite and made losing weight easy. Hope you take care of yourself as you’re losing the weight. Enjoy football. Like your other family members, I’m not much of a sports fan. Have a lovely time on your next cruise. Your son and his husband are wonderful to take you with them. You are blessed.
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Yes I am. 😊
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