Not Done Yet

Well, I don’t know what tricks Dr. Awesomesauce had up his sleeve, but somehow he got a waiver from some obscure entity that allows him to continue seeing me. I’ve been wondering why I’d been called to come in for a meds check; I thought I was done there at the clinic, had even accepted it and moved on. But God is good, and He must have thought I still needed my wonderful doctor…and so I have him, at least for another few months.

It was great to see him again. It’s been four months, the longest I’ve ever gone between visits. He has put on a few pounds—in all the time I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him overweight—but it’s kind of endearing. (Funny how he didn’t nag me about exercise this time.) He’s had a tough time of things in recent months and has probably been stuffing it down with too many groceries. I can certainly relate to that. And although this visit was supposed to be a med check, we only talked about meds very briefly…the rest of the time we spent catching up on life events, like Will going on hospice and my older son getting married.

I also confessed to a little spring hypomania after being launched out of the mild depression I had during the winter, but he seemed relatively unconcerned and even suggested we try reducing one of the anti-psychotics. I, on the other hand, don’t think I want to futz around with what works. Maybe I’ll try cutting down on the Geodon; I did fine when I went from 80 mg to 60. I just don’t feel confident enough yet to mess with the magic formula, and he’s not pushing it (although he definitely wants me to try tapering at least one of the APs at some point).

But what amazes me is that he went to extraordinary lengths to enable me to remain in his care. He’s always gone above and beyond for me, but I never expected this. It made me even more glad I’d remembered to bring in the thank-you card I bought the other day. It featured a certain species of tropical bird on the front of it and the words “Here’s a ‘toucan’ of my appreciation” on the inside. He was cracking up even before he got the thing all the way out of the envelope. “That. is. AWESOME,” he laughed. “I’m gonna put this on the wall in my office. But what are you thanking me for?”

“Everything,” I said in all seriousness. “You’ve been my cheerleader, life coach, and advocate. I probably wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for you. I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate all you’ve done to help me.”

It’s true; I’ve discussed it with you all on numerous occasions, but I’ve never told him in so many words. It made his day though, and I’m glad I said it. I know what it’s like to be the healthcare provider; it is a hard, and very often thankless job. Doctors aren’t immune to the stress and the lack of positive reinforcement either, and they need words of encouragement like the rest of us.

So for the time being I’m back with my favorite mental healthcare person, but will continue with my psych NP and therapist because I’ll need them when I have to transition. I’ve come to realize I need more therapy than either Dr. A or Sarah can offer me, and I can call Kathy anytime I feel an appointment is necessary.

I am truly blessed. 🙂