Into The Light of Day

I don’t know whether our recent spate of nice weather had anything to do with it, but I am most decidedly NOT depressed anymore. I literally felt it lift a few days ago, and suddenly life doesn’t look so grey and washed-out anymore. Colors are returning and the beautiful deep-pink roses Will bought me for Valentine’s Day are exquisitely fragrant. And even though the rain has returned, I feel like I’ve made a recovery of some sort and everything will be OK, even though it really isn’t.

Will has had some decent days, too. He throws up pretty much every morning—so reliably, in fact, that our son-in-law Clark says the vomiting is like an alarm clock that wakes him up to go to work. But the nausea doesn’t last long, and he’s been working on his models a little and getting dressed most days. More importantly, he’s comfortable and hospice is doing a bang-up job of keeping him that way. They even sent over a massage therapist the other day, which was an unexpected treat for him and he just loved it! He’s never been able to let go and allow himself to receive a massage—he’s always been the giver—but he felt so good after it was over that he asked to have her come once a week. And the world tilted on its axis a little…this is perhaps the first time in his life that he’s put his own needs ahead of others’. Bravo!!

In the meantime, my mind is still racing but more of the thoughts are getting through that narrow little door I talked about the last time I wrote. I’ve been posting a lot on my nursing website and sharing stuff on Facebook. I’ve also been dipping my toe in the political waters, although I only share with people who are of the same persuasion as I am. Yes, I really have made Facebook friends with total strangers because of politics. Too bad I’m disgusted with ALL of the front-runners…I wouldn’t vote for Donald Trump in a million years because he’s an uncouth, narcissistic troglodyte who’s going to get us into a war if he becomes President. I wouldn’t vote for Hillary Clinton either because she’s dirty and I don’t trust her as far as I could throw her. Nor would I vote for Bernie Sanders, simply because he’s a socialist and his belief system scares the beejeebus out of me.

Have I covered everything? (laughs)

Oh, yeah, I bought a Thank You card for Dr. Awesomesauce. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to see him one more time for closure purposes, but it doesn’t seem to be in the stars so I decided to send this card, which he’s going to love because it has a ginormous toucan on the front of it. He won’t forget it…or me. But the real reason for the gesture is I owe him a debt of gratitude for four years of being my greatest cheerleader and advocate, giving me lots to think about and a million and one laughs. I don’t know where I’d be right now if I had never met him, sought his advice, listened to his wisdom. He saved my life back in October 2014 when the forces of darkness were taking me down into the depths…how do you just walk away from someone like that without at least saying good-bye? Well, I don’t, hence the card.

Speaking of psychiatrists, I see my new one—who is actually a psychiatric nurse practitioner—in about three weeks. I wonder what she’ll be like, and if she’ll want to mess with my meds. I’m afraid of that. I’ve had some strange looks from medical people who get a gander at my med list and I’m sure they think I’m overmedicated. Little do they know that it takes every milligram to keep me sane!The worst thing anyone could do to me is start screwing around with my chemically altered brain. But I’ll deal with that when the time comes…no need to borrow trouble…gotta keep an open mind.

Yes, it’s good to be out of the depression and into the light of day once again. The days are getting longer, the temperatures are rising (albeit slowly), and winter will be over in only a few short weeks. Hopefully there won’t be any late-season snow or ice. I’ll leave that to my daughter Mandy and her hubby, who live in Vermont where it is dangerously cold and they’re expecting a huge snowstorm. No thanks…I’ve got me a nice little Caribbean island picked out where the only ice around will be in my (non-alcoholic) tropical drink. 😉