What Fresh Hell Is This?

Well, I’ll never do THAT again.

I forgot to renew my Klonopin prescription last week and was out, completely, for several days. I didn’t know for sure that Vitamin K was actually what puts me to sleep; I thought it was the anti-psychotics. Needless to say, I was wrong. I’ve been up till after 2 AM for the past three nights, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why. I’m not manic, I’m not mixed, and I’m certainly not depressed. But what I went through last night will not be forgotten soon.

I was lying in bed, wide awake despite having taken all my other meds, when a squeamish, squirmy feeling came over me. Suddenly I couldn’t get enough air; my legs became restless and I kept moving them around, unable to get comfortable. I was hot and cold at the same time. I was also itchy all over, but it was the kind of itch you can’t scratch—it felt like it was internal, like bugs crawling under my skin. I felt as though I was on the verge of a panic attack. In short, I was a hot mess, and if I hadn’t figured out what the trouble was I probably wouldn’t have slept at all.

The answer came as I was staring wide-eyed into the dark, racking my brain for possible causes. I’d had only two Klonopin tablets left when I filled my med minders Sunday night, which meant I didn’t take it Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday. I’d renewed my prescription on Monday but forgot to put the pills in the boxes; the new bottle was still in my purse, unopened, as of three o’clock this morning. That was when I finally remembered. Unwilling to wait long enough to get a glass of water, I dry-swallowed that sucker in the blink of an eye; it took over an hour, but eventually the medication worked its magic and I fell asleep around 4.

Now I realize that I was experiencing the symptoms of withdrawal. It’s no wonder; I’ve been on benzodiazepines for over a dozen years and you just don’t go off them cold turkey, even if you’re purposely trying to stop. Which of course I wasn’t. I may not always like having to take meds, but obviously if I’m going to forget one, Klonopin isn’t the one I want to skip. Not that I want to miss ANY of them—I still remember the night back in April when I didn’t take my nighttime meds and experienced the entire bipolar spectrum in one day.  What a cluster that was…up and down and all around, all at the same time. That was another misstep I never want to repeat, so I’m extra careful to make sure I take my bedtime meds. And now I need to make sure I take all of them.

Live and learn…sigh…