“You look so beautiful! And you’re not manic!”
Such was the enthusiastic reception I got this afternoon from Dr. Awesomesauce as I sat down for our first appointment in three months. Damn, I didn’t realize how much I’d missed him, but I’ve been so stable I haven’t needed him—-as it should be! I think this is the first time he’s ever really seen what my “normal” looks like, and he was so pleased that he clapped his hands together like a child and complimented me again on how great I looked and how I presented myself. I guess he really did think I was a bit manic during the last couple of visits (even though I certainly didn’t). Which made me instantly grateful for the fact that I can actually be happy without being off my rocker!
Of course, I had to tell him that I got Social Security and I thanked him for the thoroughness of his documentation. He didn’t really want to take credit for it, but he was impressed with the fact that I never even had to see one of their psychiatrists, and was more than glad things had worked out for me. The only thing that worries him is if I can be careful with money now that I have some again; I reassured him that we are sitting on a pretty decent-sized chunk of the original settlement and are saving up to get a place of our own at some point going forward.
“Good for you,” he said, grinning ear-to-ear. “But if you start buying yellow toucan shirts again, you give that bank card to your hubby!”
So now that nothing’s broke, we are now going to try fixing it: e.g., we’re going down a little on the Geodon to see if we can wean me down, if not off, some of these meds. I had the choice between trying a lower dose of either that or the Zyprexa, which I swear is the glue that holds me together. Maybe someday, particularly if the Geodon titration goes well, I can try decreasing that too…..but we’re not going there yet. My tolerance for med decreases is historically poor; still, we’ve got to start trying because we’re running out of options for PRNs if something goes sideways and I need something extra to either get me off the moon or bring my out of a depression. Makes sense to me, although I am definitely a little nervous about changing anything when my mood is as stable as it’s ever going to get.
Anyway, I’ll be starting that in a couple of weeks once I get through the rest of my current prescription, and then I see him four weeks after that (assuming all is well). In the meantime, I’m happy, he’s happy, my family’s happy, and life is good.