Something To Celebrate

Posted bybpnursePosted inBipolar MeTags:, , ,

It seems like a weird thing to be happy about, but here it is: my first Social Security check arrived in yesterday’s mail. Approved on the first try, and in the minimum time frame, no less. I guess that bipolar 1 diagnosis and hospitalization, plus my physical issues, were enough to turn the tide in my favor. Thank the Lord!

It couldn’t have come at a better time. Will and I were within $200 of being flat broke before this miracle appeared. We were going to have to cancel our car insurance because we couldn’t afford it anymore. Now those worries are a thing of the past. Oh, don’t get me wrong—we’re still poor, just not destitute, and now we can start saving up to get our own place one day.

But more than that, getting SSDI legitimizes the impact my illness has on my ability to work. It means I’m not making it up, I’m not a malingerer, I’m not soaking the taxpayers (of course, I paid into the system for many years so it’s not like I’m on welfare). I knew all that, but it’s good to have it validated. And it means I no longer have to keep trying to find an employer that wouldn’t expect too much from me. It made me so anxious to be on the job-hunting trail, especially with my aging body and bad work history, and with nursing being completely off the table I’ve been wondering what the hell I actually COULD do.

Now that battle is over. Now I can get on with the rest of my life—as diminished as it may be—and see where it takes me now that I’m free of the need to hurl myself against brick walls. What an incredible blessing!

Published by bpnurse

I'm a retired registered nurse and writer who also happens to be street-rat crazy, if the DSM-IV.....oops, 5---is to be believed. I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder at the age of 55, and am still sorting through the ashes of the flaming garbage pile that my life had become. Here, I'll share the lumps and bumps of a late-life journey toward sanity.... along with some rants, gripes, sour grapes and good old-fashioned whining from time to time. It's not easy being bipolar in a unipolar world; let's figure it out together.

10 thoughts on “Something To Celebrate”

  2. Been there and done that. I agree…your life may be different but not diminished. I’ve had to start clawing back into recovery and filling my days with good things. You can too. I knew you were going to get that SSDI fast. I think a HUGE key is having a long history with MI, yet you tried to work in there.

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    1. Thanks! I’m still amazed at how quickly all of this came together. I was fully expecting to have to see their doctors for a psych eval, but all I had to do was go see one for a physical capabilities test. I couldn’t do much, so that obviously didn’t hurt my case. I think it was the combination of challenges that won the day.

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    2. I appreciate that. It seems diminished, because this is the end of one kind of life; but it’s also the beginning of another and who knows where it’ll go? 🙂

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  3. I remember one of my first thoughts, when I got notified that I had won: “Gee, I must REALLY be bad off.” It was a mixed blessing. Hm, I should write about it.

    anyway the important thing is YOU WON a battle that you had lost. and I am really glad for you!! Yeah if that makes sense to you, welcome to social security. Love ya girl 🙂

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    1. That’s exactly what I thought: “Gee, I really AM disabled!” But it is what it is, and I’m glad I’m not the only one who believes that work would be unsustainable at this time of my life, even if I could find a job.

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      1. The least I can do. If SSA hadn’t of approved your SSDI, I would have… Heck, can’t quite figure out what I would have done from here, but raise a stink, for sure.

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