It seems like a weird thing to be happy about, but here it is: my first Social Security check arrived in yesterday’s mail. Approved on the first try, and in the minimum time frame, no less. I guess that bipolar 1 diagnosis and hospitalization, plus my physical issues, were enough to turn the tide in my favor. Thank the Lord!
It couldn’t have come at a better time. Will and I were within $200 of being flat broke before this miracle appeared. We were going to have to cancel our car insurance because we couldn’t afford it anymore. Now those worries are a thing of the past. Oh, don’t get me wrong—we’re still poor, just not destitute, and now we can start saving up to get our own place one day.
But more than that, getting SSDI legitimizes the impact my illness has on my ability to work. It means I’m not making it up, I’m not a malingerer, I’m not soaking the taxpayers (of course, I paid into the system for many years so it’s not like I’m on welfare). I knew all that, but it’s good to have it validated. And it means I no longer have to keep trying to find an employer that wouldn’t expect too much from me. It made me so anxious to be on the job-hunting trail, especially with my aging body and bad work history, and with nursing being completely off the table I’ve been wondering what the hell I actually COULD do.
Now that battle is over. Now I can get on with the rest of my life—as diminished as it may be—and see where it takes me now that I’m free of the need to hurl myself against brick walls. What an incredible blessing!