Sorry I’ve been more or less incommunicado for much of the past couple of weeks, but I’m in the middle of what a psych nurse friend calls a “medicated mania”. This is a state in which a person feels manic without actually being manic, because their meds are masking it. A lot of the symptoms are the same—feeling restless and agitated, easily distracted, and speeded-up—but it’s like eating mild salsa: you get flavor, but no heat.
Which is just as well. This is a warm and sunny spring for the most part, and I could be SOOOO manic right now. I feel it stirring, it’s just all on the inside except for a lot of foot-tapping and thoughts that are racing so fast that it actually inhibits the compulsion to spew word vomit. This is the first day in what seems like a long time that I’ve been able to focus well enough to write a post, although I can’t guarantee perfect grammar and syntax.
I’m still sleeping OK. I do have trouble getting to sleep and have been waking up between six and seven AM for some reason. I don’t WANT to get up that early, so I go back to sleep for another hour or so. But even with these difficulties, I’m getting a good eight hours or more on most nights, which is probably saving me from becoming manic for realz…..well, that and my trusty medications. Lord only knows what a bipolar hot mess I’d be without them. I get really tired of taking pills twice a day, every damn day, but this “medicated mania” proves their worth.
And now I’ve taken a bathroom break and lost the thread of this post. Great. I’ll sure be glad when my brain decides to come back online. ~sigh~