Sorry I’ve been more or less incommunicado for much of the past couple of weeks, but I’m in the middle of what a psych nurse friend calls a “medicated mania”. This is a state in which a person feels manic without actually being manic, because their meds are masking it. A lot of the symptoms are the same—feeling restless and agitated, easily distracted, and speeded-up—but it’s like eating mild salsa: you get flavor, but no heat.
Which is just as well. This is a warm and sunny spring for the most part, and I could be SOOOO manic right now. I feel it stirring, it’s just all on the inside except for a lot of foot-tapping and thoughts that are racing so fast that it actually inhibits the compulsion to spew word vomit. This is the first day in what seems like a long time that I’ve been able to focus well enough to write a post, although I can’t guarantee perfect grammar and syntax.
I’m still sleeping OK. I do have trouble getting to sleep and have been waking up between six and seven AM for some reason. I don’t WANT to get up that early, so I go back to sleep for another hour or so. But even with these difficulties, I’m getting a good eight hours or more on most nights, which is probably saving me from becoming manic for realz…..well, that and my trusty medications. Lord only knows what a bipolar hot mess I’d be without them. I get really tired of taking pills twice a day, every damn day, but this “medicated mania” proves their worth.
And now I’ve taken a bathroom break and lost the thread of this post. Great. I’ll sure be glad when my brain decides to come back online. ~sigh~
bpnurse 
I wonder when this is happening if an uptick in the meds would help? Do you generally get manic after this point? And, is this uncomfortable enough to warrant upping the meds? just thinking out loud
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The last thing I want is more medication! No, this is merely annoying and I probably won’t go into full-blown mania at all. I’m on a lot of meds and it’s just the warm spring weather that’s got me going. 🙂
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Yes, the minute the crocuses appeared I felt a lift in my depression. Not too far thankfully. Ohh this whole thing is a pain, is it not??
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Glad to hear that taking meds twice a day every day is maintaining your stability. Most of us with bipolar disorder must take medications twice a day every day. Medicated mania is far better than all out mania, or even hypomania. Good job. Your brain is more online that you realize. Just not manic.
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Thanks, ladies. It does feel good to have things under control while still enjoying a good mood. I do wish I could get these racing thoughts to simmer down, but that’s just the way my brain works a lot of the time. I can literally feel the meds working to contain the mania. Go me! 🙂
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