I probably should mention the fact that my stress levels have dropped dramatically since we got settled into our new place. On a 1-10 scale, I used to be in the 8 or 9 range; now it’s more like 1-2. Of course there’s always SOME stress involved, especially with finances, but then I fretted about money when I was making $60K a year, so that’s nothing new.
I don’t know how to live this way quite yet. I’ve been stressed and anxious for most of my adult life; but this move has taken a great deal of pressure off me. After all, we have a decent roof over our heads,we are warm and dry,and our rent and bills were paid before the first of the month. I know we owe a fortune to our former landlords, the hospital,and the utility companies,but there’s nothing we can do about it. So why worry?
It’s amazing how living simply takes so much of the heavy decision-making off the table. We’ll be SOL if something happens to the car or if I don’t get disability, but we don’t have to choose food over medicine, or rent over electricity. In other words, all we really have to do is put one foot in front of the other.
And I can’t help but think that’s the lesson in all this. I learned about “one day at a time” in AA, but never made it my own. Now I get it, and it’s a game-changer.
I still think about what’s happened in my life over the past several years and wish it hadn’t, but it did and it can’t be undone. I’ve forgiven myself; there is a reason for everything and perhaps surviving a while longer is it. I was so close to suicide in October that it still scares the hell out of me; now I wonder how I could even have thought it was an option. As hard as it is to be flat broke and living in someone else’s house, it’s a hell of a lot better than being dead.
So is keeping it simple and being mostly stress-free for the first time in ages. Long may it last.