I probably should mention the fact that my stress levels have dropped dramatically since we got settled into our new place. On a 1-10 scale, I used to be in the 8 or 9 range; now it’s more like 1-2. Of course there’s always SOME stress involved, especially with finances, but then I fretted about money when I was making $60K a year, so that’s nothing new.

I don’t know how to live this way quite yet. I’ve been stressed and anxious for most of my adult life; but this move has taken a great deal of pressure off me. After all, we have a decent roof over our heads,we are warm and dry,and our rent and bills were paid before the first of the month. I know we owe a fortune to our former landlords, the hospital,and the utility companies,but there’s nothing we can do about it. So why worry?

It’s amazing how living simply takes so much of the heavy decision-making off the table. We’ll be SOL if something happens to the car or if I don’t get disability, but we don’t have to choose food over medicine, or rent over electricity. In other words, all we really have to do is put one foot in front of the other.

And I can’t help but think that’s the lesson in all this. I learned about “one day at a time” in AA, but never made it my own. Now I get it, and it’s a game-changer.

I still think about what’s happened in my life over the past several years and wish it hadn’t, but it did and it can’t be undone. I’ve forgiven myself; there is a reason for everything and perhaps surviving a while longer is it. I was so close to suicide in October that it still scares the hell out of me; now I wonder how I could even have thought it was an option. As hard as it is to be flat broke and living in someone else’s house, it’s a hell of a lot better than being dead.

So is keeping it simple and being mostly stress-free for the first time in ages. Long may it last.

Published by bpnurse

I'm a retired registered nurse and writer who also happens to be street-rat crazy, if the DSM-IV.....oops, 5---is to be believed. I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder at the age of 55, and am still sorting through the ashes of the flaming garbage pile that my life had become. Here, I'll share the lumps and bumps of a late-life journey toward sanity.... along with some rants, gripes, sour grapes and good old-fashioned whining from time to time. It's not easy being bipolar in a unipolar world; let's figure it out together.

4 thoughts on “KISS

  1. Okay,well let’s forget the suicide. Some of the rest of us depend on you to keep us going here. I also was going to mention….you had mentioned volunteering (I think it was on my blog comments). Someone told me not to go OUT and volunteer until after SSDI was awarded. Try to find something to do at home. I seriously doubt the government is chasing us around, but, hey. who knows? I volunteer by assisting my daughter with her special ed lesson plans. She is just swamped and it takes some pressure off of her. Just some weird and probably useless thoughts from me. Am glad your stress level is way down.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a good thought about the volunteer thing. They’d probably say if I was well enough to volunteer, I’m well enough to work. Thank you for the heads-up. And yes, I’ll do my best to stick around. 😉


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: