Shifting Gears

OK. I’ve taken a couple of days off from posting and I feel refreshed. A good friend of mine took me to task the other night for overthinking and being too self-involved, and as much as it hurt (me? overthink? I would never…..haha) I had to admit she was right. As a result, I’ve been able to crawl out of my cave a little and focus on something besides my own misery, and surprise, surprise, I feel much better.

If there is one good thing to say about having bipolar disorder, it’s this: no matter how you feel at a given time, it’s going to change. You can count on it. However, it usually doesn’t turn on a dime like this, which is how I know that what I’ve been dealing with is a lot of anxiety, rather than depression or a mixed mood. I’m still not a happy camper, but I’ve settled down a lot and even been able to enjoy things like an evening with the kids and grandkids and a supermarket trip with Will.

That’s something I’ve always loved about us…..we can even make something as mundane as grocery shopping fun. We talk, we laugh, we goof around, and we get it done without a big hassle. It’s a team effort, and we sometimes have to negotiate regarding desserts (he’s a chocoholic and would be content to eat Hershey bars every day of his life, while I like a variety of sweets). But overall, we have a pretty darn good time doing this weekly chore.

We still don’t have firm plans for our move, although I imagine our landlords will assist us in this regard when they get back from South America where they’re doing missionary work. I look around at the mess the house is in and wonder how the hell we’re ever going to get all this stuff packed up and ready to go—and I know sitting in front of the computer writing isn’t getting us any closer to that goal—but we’ve got to start somewhere.

And I have to stay well. This isn’t a time to get bogged down in self-recrimination and give in to my fears about what may lie ahead. There’s too much to do. Time to shift gears.

Thank you, my friend (you know who you are).

Published by bpnurse

I'm a retired registered nurse and writer who also happens to be street-rat crazy, if the DSM-IV.....oops, 5---is to be believed. I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder at the age of 55, and am still sorting through the ashes of the flaming garbage pile that my life had become. Here, I'll share the lumps and bumps of a late-life journey toward sanity.... along with some rants, gripes, sour grapes and good old-fashioned whining from time to time. It's not easy being bipolar in a unipolar world; let's figure it out together.

3 thoughts on “Shifting Gears

  1. You are going to have such relief when you get to keep some of that money in your pocket (theoretically) while you wait for your ss which IS going to come through. Just keep documenting everything: Dr. visits, med changes, symptoms, other effects of your illness, etc. in case you do have to appeal, which is most often the case.

    Liked by 1 person

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