What a difference a year makes…..fourteen months ago, we weren’t sure if Will and I would make it to our 33rd wedding anniversary, and now here it is late September again and we’re about to celebrate Number 34 tomorrow.
It’s amazing how much things change during a long marriage. You start out with honeymoon dreams and very little else, but as you build a history together, the dreams are replaced with something of substance that you can lean upon when times are tough. That’s when you learn the difference between loving someone and merely being “in love” with them. The mushy stuff—the sickly-sweet Valentines, the Kama Sutra oil, the hearts and flowers—all of that goes away with time, but if you can look over at your mate and feel safe and secure, that’s really all that matters.
And I do feel safe and secure with Will. I always have. For 34 years I’ve been loved unconditionally and supported in whatever I wanted to do, no matter how challenging my behaviors or how complicated it must be to love me. I didn’t know that kind of love when I was growing up, and it took me about 20 years to figure out that this was the real deal; sometimes I still struggle with the concept of receiving unconditional love, even though I have no trouble loving him and our children that way.
But whatever the reason, I know Will does love me utterly without reservation and always has. I don’t have to do anything to earn it…..it’s almost like God’s love in that way. Then again, God does work through ordinary human beings, and maybe Will is His instrument because I’ve always had such a tough time accepting love, let alone believing I deserve it. I still have my doubts on that score. However, the statistics say otherwise, and the proof is sitting right over there at his desk, working on his model airplane engine.
Happy Anniversary to my soulmate of 34 years! Realistically, I can’t wish for another 34, but we’ll continue to take life and love one day at a time, and that’s good enough for us. ❤