September Morn

Well, so much for THIS year.

I just flipped the calendar over to September this morning, and if tradition holds, the last four months of the year will seem like four weeks. I don’t know why it goes so fast, but it does, and before we know it, it’ll be New Year’s.

Which means winter’s coming. Ugh. Luckily for people like me, there is plenty of summer left according to the weather report, and then there’s fall, which is almost always a treat in this part of the country. (At least the first half is; by the time we get to mid-November, it’s sodden and chilly and generally depressing.)  But the signs of the approaching changes are already here; the sun is lower in the sky, the morning air is crisp and cool now, and even when it’s hot it takes longer to get that way and doesn’t stay that way as long.

As usual at this time of year, my moods are unpredictable and I don’t know from day to day which way the wind’s going to blow. I wish I could remember this, instead of feeling like I’m on the verge of an episode when it’s just me going through my late-summer mood swings. I also tend to get hypomanic in the early autumn, so I have to watch out for that as well.

But of course, I don’t want to watch out for it. I want to HAVE it. It’s been a long time since my last really good bout of hypo, and these little teases just make me want it more. (YES, I know it’s bad, and NO, I’m not going to fool with my meds to bring it on. I’m not completely out of my mind.)

Today is one of those days, when I’m on the ‘up’ side and the sun is shining; I’m just a bit hyperactive and having trouble channeling it into something constructive. Even writing this post has taken me over two hours thus far because I keep popping up out of my seat, feeling the urge to do something real quick, and then I come back to write another paragraph or so. Yet tomorrow I probably won’t feel as sparkling, because I was kind of ‘blah’ yesterday and this seems to go in an every-other-day sequence. Who knows?

It doesn’t help that everything continues to be in such flux. It’s a little hard to maintain equilibrium when there are so many unanswered questions and so much instability. Some days I find myself questioning whether this really is my late-summer weirdness or just a reflection of the uncertainty of my daily life. It’s probably a combination of both. I don’t know. I don’t really even care. It just is.

Meanwhile, the sun is still warm, the skies are still blue, and summer still reigns supreme, even if the leaves are beginning to turn and my feet are in need of socks for the first time since May.

But oh, is this time ever going to go fast. See you in January!


Published by bpnurse

I'm a retired registered nurse and writer who also happens to be street-rat crazy, if the DSM-IV.....oops, 5---is to be believed. I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder at the age of 55, and am still sorting through the ashes of the flaming garbage pile that my life had become. Here, I'll share the lumps and bumps of a late-life journey toward sanity.... along with some rants, gripes, sour grapes and good old-fashioned whining from time to time. It's not easy being bipolar in a unipolar world; let's figure it out together.

One thought on “September Morn

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: