A Ray Of Hope?
I told you I wasn’t quite ready to give up: I have a job interview Friday.
It’s not in nursing, thankfully; the more I think about it, the better I understand that I really, really CAN’T be a nurse again, as tempting as it is to go for the kinds of jobs I’ve had in the past. I long for the familiar because I’m scared to try something new, but familiarity is poisonous to me in this area of life…..I could do the same damn thing ten times over, and the results would be the same <bangs head repeatedly against wall>.
This particular job is a temporary position, but the ad says it could work into permanent. It doesn’t matter right now; a job is a job. This one is for a company that provides services to troubled children and teenagers; it consists of coordinating admissions and services for the kids and their families when they have to enter a psychiatric residential care facility, maintaining records and other duties as assigned. I think the hiring manager is interested in me because of my nursing background, not that I’d be working in any such capacity but because I have years of experience in working with different agencies to get people the services and care they need.
I’m trying not to get too excited about all this. Even if I get the job, there is NO guarantee that I can do it; I’m still prone to anxiety and too easily overstimulated, and there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot I can do about that except to keep taking my meds and going to therapy. But I also don’t want to let what I can’t do stop me from doing what I can do, and I’m open to trying something new. This opportunity sounds like a good one, and as long as it doesn’t involve working irregular hours or nights, I think I’d be OK.
I’m just not sure about how good I’d be with kids in crisis. I don’t “do” kids—the vast majority of my work experience is with older adults—but then, I think what’s really needed here is a knowledge of community resources, and some understanding of mental illness. Coordinating resources isn’t too tough when you know the locals, and as for knowing a thing or two about MI…..well, I certainly don’t have a problem there.
After months of putting in job applications and getting no interviews—not even rejection letters—it’s good to see a ray of hope. Already I feel my self-esteem rising cautiously, not so swiftly or so high that I’m going to fly in there Friday afternoon like a tropical bird and dazzle ’em with my brilliant colors, but enough that I should be able to pull off a decent performance. Again, I could wish for a short burst of hypomania just so I could go in there and blow my own horn loudly enough to be noticed and remembered well; but I think I’m better off staying right where I am on the mood spectrum.
Wish me luck!