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The High Cost of Mental Illness

August 10, 2014

I was just visiting my favorite nursing website this evening where a fellow member posted about the possibility of losing her license for using narcotics at work. She’s apparently had addiction issues for years but had never been caught, and when she finally was, it was reported to her state board of nursing. Now she was facing at minimum a license suspension, and it got me to thinking about the price mental illness exacts from its victims in terms of lost quality of life.

I know what it’s cost me thus far.

Mental illness has cost me my livelihood. For years before I got really sick, I was a successful nurse who moved swiftly up the so-called corporate ladder, even with only an associate’s degree. Inevitably, however, I would get to where I couldn’t handle the day-to-day bullshit anymore, become restless, and move on after a couple of years or so. I also became over-stressed and anxious and prone to freaking out, and if I didn’t quit the job first, sooner or later I’d be shown the door. I had no idea that I had a medical condition that was contributing to my problems at work. But by the time I understood that I was ill, not just quixotic, it was too late to salvage my career, though I bumped along for another miserable year after that.

Mental illness has cost me dearly financially, and not just for my treatment. It’s ridiculous that a 55-year-old woman cannot get an auto loan or a credit card, take her grandkids to Disneyland, visit her daughter in Kentucky. But I can’t, and that’s because I spent the family into bankruptcy twice and racked up so much debt that it will never be paid off in my natural lifetime. (That yellow toucan shirt ring a bell?) My credit score must be in the negative 500s. The irony is, I’m a lousy money manager until I don’t have any to manage, which is why we’re still in our house and the lights are on. Why couldn’t I have figured this out while we still had something to work with?

Mental illness has cost me friendships. Although I’ve actually gained some supporters and kindred spirits during my battle, others have quietly slipped away and out of my life, and I feel their absence acutely. How I wish I could let them know that I’m so much better now that I know what was wrong with me all those years and have accepted help!

Mental illness has also cost me in terms of dignity, which as far as I’m concerned is my most precious possession. There’s nothing like walking into a medical facility where they don’t know me and getting “the look” when they bring up my medical history on the computer screen. Diabetes does not inspire that expression, nor does high blood pressure or asthma or any of the other 11 conditions I’ve been diagnosed with over the years. But throw the words bipolar affective disorder into the mix, and suddenly it’s like I’ve sprouted three heads.

There are those who scoff at the idea of stigma. A few of them—none of whom carries a mental health diagnosis of their own—have told me “Oh, you’re just imagining it” or that it’s just a coincidence. Yeah, well, it’s happened too many times for it to be a coincidence, and when I enter a new healthcare center and they treat me like a normal person—even though they’ve got my med list and can see it takes five medications to make me that way—I’m grateful beyond words.

Yes, mental illness carries a high price. What have you had to give up because of it?

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. August 10, 2014 4:53 am

    I haven’t had any drug issues, but when you move, the state licensing board asks if you’ve been treated inpatient for mental illness such as bipolar, schizophrenia, bpd or for substance abuse within the last 5 years (for almost every state, but not all). And if you have you have to go before the board of nursing to see if they will grant your transfer of license to their state. It sucks.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 10, 2014 5:27 am

      Yeah, it does suck. I don’t think mentally ill nurses should have to be subjected to monitoring programs geared to nurses with addiction or diversion issues. If it ever came to that, I would give up my license in a heartbeat. As it is, I’m going to keep it active just in case a telephone advice nurse or resource nurse position comes up, but that’s about all I’m fit to do. Thanks for writing. 🙂

      Like

  2. kbailey374 permalink
    August 10, 2014 10:54 am

    I’ve lost all of the above, plus it seems an ability to relate to the opposite sex. But gained a closer relationship with the Lord so I guess I come out ahead. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. August 10, 2014 12:09 pm

    My Cyclothymia has cost me my self-esteem. I have a horrible memory from the medication and struggle with weight issues. It is a daily struggle not to self-medicate with food and when I do the guilt is immobilizing. My recent divorce has left me some down time to hopefully heal from the whirlwind that my life has been. Fingers crossed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 10, 2014 4:39 pm

      Sounds like you’re really dealing with a lot right now. Gentle (((hugs))) to you. <3.

      Like

  4. August 29, 2014 8:26 pm

    You can certainly lose a lot; I’ve lost multiple jobs to depression, some, to be fair, because they were honestly depressing jobs, others for no good reason or due to starter stress that might have worked out in time otherwise. I’ve also lost much time to depression, and had to leave medical school because of it, rather costly! Still, I’ve also learned some things that I’ve managed to put to good use interms of patient care and teaching. You make the best of the card you’re dealt: what else can you do?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 29, 2014 11:44 pm

      Sorry to hear of your losses. They do add up after a time, don’t they? And the cumulative effect can be devastating. That’s what I’m fighting now—I’m afraid of going under, because I’m approaching the limits of my endurance and don’t know if I’m strong enough to push past it. I feel like such a whiner sometimes…..lots of people have it much worse.

      Like

      • August 29, 2014 11:53 pm

        I should add, things have been mostly fine for many years. Losses were mostly done 20 years ago. Learning curve was tough! But it can be done. And comparisons are a bad idea: what’s inside correlates very poorly with what others can see. Get support and don’t give up. Take care. Any need for tips or a kind word any time, let me know.

        Liked by 2 people

      • August 30, 2014 12:36 pm

        you’re not a whiner!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. August 30, 2014 12:25 am

    Thank you!

    Like

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