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Sh*t Just Got Real

July 21, 2014

For someone who usually doesn’t take narcotics—even when prescribed and encouraged—I’m somewhat amazed that I’ve given myself permission to do so this time. The belly pain is still there, although it’s much better than it was and I’m sleeping great. The main problem is, I have become…..well, as your grandma would say…..bound up. It’s a common occurrence in people taking pain meds, and as indelicate as the subject is, I’m still a nurse, and nurses aren’t the least bit afraid to talk about these matters.

Not to put too fine a point on things, but doing business these days feels more like bricks making their way out sideways. Anyone who has ever experienced this phenomenon knows what it’s like to sit there for 45 minutes and sweat buckets while trying to relieve the pressure, and then when you finally do offload, the result is the size of…..a walnut. That’s it. Oh, you may THINK you need to do more, and you do, but that’s all you can manage. So you go take a swig of prune juice or Milk of Magnesia if you’ve got it, make a wry face because of the taste, and hope for the best. 

Well, the “best” hasn’t happened yet, so I’m trying to be a good sport while feeling like I’ve gained 50 pounds in two days. In the meantime, I think I’ll lay off the Vicodin and bring on the Dulcolax. I hate sitting on the throne feeling like I’m giving birth. In fact, I’d rather go through unmedicated childbirth again than deal with this…..at least I’d get something good out of it.

You ever notice how your values change when you can’t “go”? I don’t CARE about the plane crash in the Ukraine or the fact that I am in desperate need of a shower. I don’t care that I just sold my seldom-used bike and made $40 that I didn’t have before. I only want to get the mail moving again.

So Will is out getting me some stool softeners while I look longingly at the Vicodin bottle, needing to take some but fearing the consequences. Hmm, maybe I’ll try some Motrin instead and see if that works. I don’t want to be in pain, but I also don’t like feeling as though I’m sitting on a bowling ball. Nor do I particularly appreciate the fact that this never used to happen to me when I was younger. In my 40s I could take Percocet for a week after a kidney stone surgery and never have a moment of trouble with my plumbing; obviously that is no longer the case. Phooey! 

 

 

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. sumegoinvicte permalink
    July 21, 2014 4:41 am

    I sympathies, I take a host of pain meds for a chronic condition. Its not fun. Instead of prune juice eat prunes it works much better in my experience as it has more fiber than the juice and it’s cheaper. Also psylium husk (it may be called something different there, here I can get it in health food shops as is or in horrible sachets to make drinks in the chemist) it works wonders. Another possibility is linne seed/flax seed. If you do use any of these make sure that you increase the amount of water you drink or they will have the wrong effect but if you do drink plenty of water and try one or two it tends to soften everything and make it move quicker but it does take a couple of days, and sorry to say you will have to pass the bricks first before things get better. Sorry about the awful spelling/grammar I’m in a hurry as I’m late for work. Good Luck

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    • July 21, 2014 4:47 am

      If all else fails, I can always use the concoction I’ve used so successfully in many of my elderly patients—it’s called the “Hot Slider”, and for a good reason! It contains six ounces of prune juice, one ounce of Milk of Magnesia or Karo dark corn syrup, and two pats of butter. Zap it in the microwave for about 45 seconds, stir, drink, and then wait for the explosions…..I’ve only seen this fail a handful of times. 🙂

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  2. July 22, 2014 8:32 pm

    The last time I was constipated was in the 80s when I was on a constipating antidepressant. I remember that miserable feeling. All our patients on narcotics go on stool softeners immediately. I’ve all great success with mag citrate. But sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for…those explosions as you say. LOL….All the best with everything.

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    • July 22, 2014 9:32 pm

      Thanks, Don. 🙂 It’s weird…..I never had trouble with constipation until recent months, and now I have to be careful to drink enough fluids and eat some fiber, or I’ll get stopped up. And I used to be able to take pain meds with impunity, but no more. I’ve stopped the Vicodin and am managing with the Motrin now. I don’t want to aggravate the problem any more than I have to!

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