The F##kit List

You know how a lot of people have bucket lists—you know, where they make a list of all the things they want to do before they kick the proverbial bucket? I’ve made out a list like that too, for all the good it’ll do me…..living in a stick house out in the shallow ocean in Bora Bora? Never happen. Taking a Caribbean cruise? I don’t have that kind of money. But it’s fun to dream, even though none of the things I’d like to do are financially or physically possible (parasailing? It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s an airsick granny!).

More down to earth (no pun intended) is what I call my F##kit List—the things I DON’T want to do or see or hear about anymore. Things—and people—I don’t care about and never shall.

Like the Kardashians. Good lord, when will this country ever stop worshiping famous people who are only famous for being famous? These people have nothing going for them whatsoever except physical beauty, and you can find THAT on any street corner. What in the world makes them so fascinating? Damned if I know, because they sure don’t fascinate me and I wish they’d go away. F##k ’em.

Global warming. Yes, I know the climate is changing—doesn’t everyone?—but you cannot convince me the entire world is heating up when two-thirds of the United States just had one of its coldest and snowiest winters in recorded history. Even those of us in the more temperate zones froze our asses off in December and February. You know what? I think the term “global warming” was coined by scientists funded by Sierra Club types to scare us into buying those horrid swirly light bulbs that don’t illuminate anything and take a hazmat team to clean up when they break. Climate change, I can get behind, and I’ll even buy a few “green” items just to do my part to fight it; global warming, not so much. And I REFUSE to have those stupid CFC bulbs in my house.

Another denizen of my F##kit List is the weight-loss industry. Honestly, I can’t believe ANYBODY falls for its empty promises anymore. Don’t folks understand that if there were truly a miracle weight loss pill or potion, there wouldn’t be any more fat people?!

Old men playing action heroes in movies. I’m sorry, but Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagall, and Ahhnold Schwarzenegger look ridiculous (to say nothing of desperate) trying to recreate the same kinds of roles they played 30 years ago. Can they just go away already?

Prescription drug advertising on TV. I’ve already done a whole post on this topic. Suffice it to say, it needs to go away too.

Also on my F##kit List is Flo The Progressive Girl. She was cute for the first 500 or so commercials she was in, but her schtick is getting old now.

Our parasitic Congress. I wish we’d get rid of the lot of ’em and start all over again fresh with folks who don’t think they’re entitled to lifelong salaries after they’re done “serving” we-the-people. And don’t even get me started on the First Family and Obamacare.

There’s more, but I think this abbreviated version of my F##kit List is sufficient. I’m in a feisty mood and my computer has been doing weird stuff while I’ve been typing this, and it’s really beginning to piss me off. My post keeps disappearing and I have to keep scrolling back up to retrieve it, and sometimes it doesn’t want me to retrieve it so it does its vanishing act again while I’m scrolling. Arrggh!

Besides, I’m starting to sound like a curmudgeon, and I swore I’d never be one of those back when I was a young mom. I never wanted to be the parent who hated my kids’ music or clothes or hairstyles, and I wound up hating all of the above and more. At least now they’re starting to understand it, and indeed it’s one of the great pleasures of my life to hear them say things like, “I don’t know why you put up with me!!” They’re all just old enough to be nostalgic for the “old days” when they were kids…..and now they have F##kit lists of their very own. 🙂