To Sleep, Perchance (Not) To Dream

Well, I made it through the night. I did end up taking the Ativan, and not only did I go to sleep shortly after midnight, Will couldn’t rouse me until mid-morning. I must’ve been making up for lost time, because I NEVER sleep that long unless I’m a) sick, or b) depressed. Seeing as how I’m neither one, I must’ve just needed the extra rest because I feel great, even though we missed Mass because I was too much of a slug to get myself ready.

I also DIDN’T spend a good portion of the night stewing in my own juices, worrying about stuff that I can’t do anything about in the wee hours. I don’t think I even dreamed…..I just slept like a rock, and when Will tried to get me up I growled at him to let me sleep some  more. He finally succeeded in waking me somewhere in the neighborhood of 9:30; I’d probably have slept till noon if he’d left me to my own devices.

So, taking the Ativan at night probably isn’t the best idea. Sleeping too much is just as bad in its way as sleeping too little, although oversleeping certainly doesn’t bring on mania and under-sleeping does. But I don’t think I need to worry too much about that right now, even though it’s definitely summer. The sun is shining brightly, it’s warm and dry, the flowers are blooming—all ingredients for a rip-roaring manic episode—and yet my mood is still pretty much like it’s been since late March (with the exception of the brief hypomania I had several weeks ago).

As my friend from New England would put it, these are some wicked good medications I’m on, because I would normally be dancing on the moon right now. June and July are manic season for me, and the first day of summer has already come and gone without me going totally ape shit. Now THAT is progress!

But I’m still going to have to get the sleep thing straightened out. The last thing I need is to be dependent on yet another medication, and actually I’m only supposed to use the Vitamin A for breakthrough anxiety, not sleep. Dr. Awesomesauce would probably rather have me go back to using the 5 mg of Zyprexa than the Ativan. But I keep hoping that what’s been keeping me awake at night will be resolved soon, and then I won’t NEED extra medication.

It really was a great night’s sleep, though. I love it when I can sleep straight through a night without vivid dreams which either upset me or get me all excited. Waking up after one of these can be either a relief or a bummer, depending on which kind of dream I had; so I appreciate it when I can get through a full night without dreaming, or at least dreaming something memorable.

I think it also helped that the friend I was talking about the other day is doing better. She texted me last night to let me know she is no longer out-of-control anxious, and thinks the higher dose of Effexor is already kicking in. That may be more psychological than anything, but hey, if it works, you’ve gotta go with it. Just a couple of simple med tweaks may have saved her from a hospital stay, or worse, and her attitude has done a 180 just in the 48 hours or so since the changes. Come to think of it, she’s probably sleeping better at night, too. And that’s one less source of stress for me. 🙂


Published by bpnurse

I'm a retired registered nurse and writer who also happens to be street-rat crazy, if the DSM-IV.....oops, 5---is to be believed. I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder at the age of 55, and am still sorting through the ashes of the flaming garbage pile that my life had become. Here, I'll share the lumps and bumps of a late-life journey toward sanity.... along with some rants, gripes, sour grapes and good old-fashioned whining from time to time. It's not easy being bipolar in a unipolar world; let's figure it out together.

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