Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch…..

We got Sis all moved out/in today in a matter of only about two hours, thanks to the combined efforts of my oldest girl and her husband (and a bit of dog-sitting and door-holding by Will and me). Now we can use our garage door to go in and out again like we usually do (the front door? That’s for guests) and the rooms where Louise’s things were kept all these months echo when we walk in there. It does feel weird…..but boy, was she happy to have her belongings again.

We visited for awhile as she and her table-mates ate lunch (homemade chicken enchiladas! Wish I’d been hungry…..). Of course, I wondered the entire time just how much these ladies know about me because Louise, bless her heart, doesn’t think my being “BP” (as she calls it) is the least bit weird or unusual, thus she doesn’t have any trouble discussing it. Which is OK, just a bit awkward when she introduces me to someone who has obviously heard of me, and I don’t know whether they’ve also heard my sad-luck story or not.

Which, in turn, is really no one’s problem but my own. I’M the one who feels uncomfortable and even a little self-conscious, and there’s no damn reason for it. I guess I still have a little ways to go when it comes to picking up this big stinky turd that life handed me by the clean end. It’s not the end of the world, and it’s not like I have a scarlet “B” stitched on the front of my T-shirt…..although I recently saw one with the universal symbol for bipolar :): as well as the term itself emblazoned on both the front and back.

Now I wonder: Who wears something like that?? I’m not ASHAMED of having the illness, but neither do I care to advertise it. Since the place I saw the shirt was a store geared to young girls, I have to presume it’s one of those vanity statements, like “Spoiled” or “Juicy” etched in glitter. These kids know absolutely nada about the disorder itself or what it’s like to carry this diagnosis…..but then, they probably don’t really know all the implications of “Juicy” either. At least, I hope not.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch… that Louise finally has all her possessions and can settle in for real, she looks more comfortable in her surroundings. It’s a nice place, much better than the one she was in prior to this move, and I feel better about her being there. Typically, she looks out for her fellow residents and directs the staff to attend to their needs, and if she’s not president of the resident council before the year is out I’ll be shocked. She’s a natural leader, though she didn’t really know it till about 20 years ago when we were in college, and she’d be perfect in that role because she’s not afraid to upset the proverbial apple-cart.

For now, though, she’s got boxes and bags to sort through, so she’ll be pretty busy for awhile. In the meantime, that nagging sense of loss I talked about yesterday has yet to be dealt with, and that makes tomorrow’s appointment with Dr. A especially well-timed.

Oh, shit. I just found my AM meds still in my pill minder, which goes to prove that I really DO need Will to nag me about them. I was wondering why I’ve felt a little ‘off’ today. Good thing I’m not a certain TV character, or I’d be full-blown manic by now. LOL.

Published by bpnurse

I'm a retired registered nurse and writer who also happens to be street-rat crazy, if the DSM-IV.....oops, 5---is to be believed. I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder at the age of 55, and am still sorting through the ashes of the flaming garbage pile that my life had become. Here, I'll share the lumps and bumps of a late-life journey toward sanity.... along with some rants, gripes, sour grapes and good old-fashioned whining from time to time. It's not easy being bipolar in a unipolar world; let's figure it out together.

4 thoughts on “Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch…..

  1. HAHA

    I leave my AM meds in my pill minder at least once every couple weeks. I always find them when I go to take my evening meds and ALWAYS say “No wonder I’ve felt a little ‘off’ today.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve had a similar conversation re: my son’s autism about whether it defines him (good or bad). I’m of the school of thought that it is just one thing about him vs. who he “is” and apparently that’s wrong. I’m all for support and awareness, but I don’t feel the need to wave a flag up and down Main Street and emblazon everything with puzzle pieces. So I feel you, sister!

    Liked by 1 person

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