This Is Gonna Sound Weird, But…..

… mood and my self-confidence have only improved since I was fired.

I don’t know why, but I wonder if it’s not just the feeling of relief now that I don’t have to keep trying to do the impossible. That was harder on my self-esteem than being unemployed, as much as I hate it (to say nothing of the financial crisis in which I now find myself). Whatever the reason, this time is as different from the past as night is from day, and I just don’t believe I’m going to be jobless for very long.

I’m sure this could be construed as OVERconfidence, especially since I am a “mature” worker with an employment history that’s as variable as my moods. But the job market is improving, there are several positions open that I think I can handle, and I have both the energy and the attitude to go after them. I really don’t want to have to sling hash or work as a Wal-Mart greeter—although I will if I have to—and while money is important, it’s not the driving force anymore in choosing a job.

For example, I applied for a clinic position yesterday that starts at $21.33 an hour, which is ridiculously low for an RN in this day and age, but it would pay the bills. Besides, it’s an opportunity to do something completely different, which is still high on my list of priorities even though it didn’t work so well for me this last time. I’ve also applied for a full-time urgent care job and a case manager position. Why not? I have absolutely nothing to lose, and possibly a lot to gain. Just because I couldn’t learn how to be a surveyor doesn’t mean I can’t learn something else.

I’m also looking at ways to cut expenses so that no matter what I wind up doing, Will and I won’t always be chasing our tails financially. I found a pretty apartment in a nice 55-and-over community with lots of amenities that’s $450 per month less than our house, which would also significantly reduce our other expenses—no more $500 electric bills, and they pay for water and garbage.

Now, what we would do with the tremendous amount of stuff a couple collects over 34 years is anyone’s guess, but we both like the idea of being in a senior housing complex where there are no children or loud-partying college kids. Besides, people tend to look out for each other in places like that….and someday I’m probably going to need it. Will just came through a bad fall which was followed by a week of intermittent fevers, coughing, and generally feeling lousy—oh dear God, shades of last summer—which in turn was a potential trigger for me. But he’s feeling much better today, and the threat has already receded into the background.

Sometimes I’m amazed at the things I can accept, while at other times I can’t handle change at all. One year ago, I was let go from my nursing director job and thought life as I knew it was over, and I didn’t know how I would ever learn to cope. Fortunately, I happen to be in a good place at this moment in time, and I feel I’m in shape to take on whatever challenges I have to face. Getting a new job is the first one. I’m ready.





Published by bpnurse

I'm a retired registered nurse and writer who also happens to be street-rat crazy, if the DSM-IV.....oops, 5---is to be believed. I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder at the age of 55, and am still sorting through the ashes of the flaming garbage pile that my life had become. Here, I'll share the lumps and bumps of a late-life journey toward sanity.... along with some rants, gripes, sour grapes and good old-fashioned whining from time to time. It's not easy being bipolar in a unipolar world; let's figure it out together.

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