What a difference a little tiny white pill and seven-and-a-half hours’ worth of quality sleep can make in a girl’s life……today, I felt almost normal again. Still didn’t have a lot of focus at work, but watching training videos is boring even under the best of circumstances, and between some residual instability and anxiety over the prospect of driving home in blowing snow, I wasn’t exactly into it.
What I am is a lot better. As much as I hate to take it, Zyprexa is a miracle in tablet form, and when I need it, it unfailingly comes to my rescue. And quickly, too—I can be manic as hell, and a couple doses of the stuff will bring me down in a matter of 36-48 hours. This time, I didn’t let things get so out of whack, and literally overnight I’m back in control of most of my faculties. Now how cool is THAT?
However, as with all psych meds, I have quite the love/hate relationship with Vitamin ‘Z’. This one is simply a little more intense, because Zyprexa is a hardcore antipsychotic medication and I’d like to think that someone with a polite little case of bipolar, like mine, doesn’t need anything so….well….serious. I am also loath to take it because it feels like a defeat to need another AP on top of the one I’m already on, on top of everything ELSE I’m taking.
Yeah, I know that’s silly—meds are a necessary evil, and crazy is not a competitive sport; every patient has to go with what works for them. And there’s no denying that Z works for me; I was on the drug for four months awhile back and had very stable moods throughout that time. I had to come off of it when I gained 25 pounds and my diabetes spun out of control; otherwise, I’d still be on it because it is the best drug for my manic and mixed episodes. It’s having to resort to it as an emergency med that bothers me.
You see, I have this ridiculous idea that my current medication regimen—which is not inconsequential—should be sufficient to keep me symptom-free almost all of the time. I’ve gotten spoiled over the last couple of months with the combination of my four drugs and my lifesaving sleep routine, but boy, take out one of those elements and all hell breaks loose. This time it wasn’t the meds that were wrong, it was three lousy nights’ sleep. So what happens when sleep goes sideways? I have to take more meds. Something seems a little unfair about that, but it is what it is.
Anyway, one more night of Vitamin Z and deep, restorative sleep ought to put things right again. Why, the only crazy thing I did all day was spend five hours on the freeway in conditions that might make even a Midwesterner say “Oh HELL no”. But then, in my case that’s not really crazy…..it’s determination. I’m not the pioneer type, but I am definitely a stubborn old woman—one who wants nothing more than to be at home sipping hot cocoa with her husband on this frigid, snowy evening.