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Another “Untitled” Post

January 12, 2014

I hate it when I pull stupid stunts like forgetting to title a post. Yesterday’s wound up being called ‘953’ because I wrote the thing without coming up with one of my typically catchy headlines first. (OK, you can stop snickering now.) So because I’m not feeling terribly creative, tonight’s post will have a title that’s not a title…..or it won’t have a title that IS a title. Or something like that.

It was good to have a day off, even though I can hardly wait to get started on next week’s learning. I know the time will arrive when I’ll feel a desperate need to take in great gulps of free air on the weekends before I have to go back to work, but for now it’s great to be on a normal schedule like most of the rest of the civilized world.

I could’ve done without some of the stuff I’ve seen on TV this afternoon, though. Will and I watch a lot of true-crime shows on the ID channel, and for some reason there were two different shows that featured murderers with a history of—yep, you guessed it—bipolar disorder. I’m just glad things are going so well for me, because I’ve been triggered by less than this in the past, and gotten quite upset.

Now, we all know that some mentally ill people commit murder, but obviously not every killer is mentally ill, and not all mentally ill people are killers. In one show, the female detective repeatedly referred to the suspect as a kook: “The guy’s bipolar, he gets a free pass (on the crime) because he’s a kook, his neighbors know he’s a kook, we know he’s a kook”, etc. etc. ad nauseam.

Well, isn’t that special. Just makes me even more resolute in my decision not to disclose my own illness at work. I can’t have people looking at me as if I were a hand grenade with the firing pin pulled, or calling me a “kook” behind my back. It sucks that I practically have to live a double life in order to have a normal one, but if that’s what I have to do, it’s what I’m going to do. I want things too badly and have worked too damned hard to lose yet another part of me to this infernal illness.

Which gets me to thinking: really, who determines what constitutes ‘illness’? I am most certainly not in a state of distress right now, although I’m well aware that the absence of symptoms doesn’t mean I don’t have the condition in the first place. (I got fooled that way once……it won’t happen a second time.) So should I still be considered ‘mentally ill’? I don’t think so. After all, I am currently able to live as a fully functioning adult human being; compare that with where I was even a couple of months ago, and I’m doing extremely well by comparison.

I’m sure there are those who would disagree with me on this point, and still others who might find something ominous in the assertion that I’m as healthy as someone with bipolar disorder can ever be. But I am, and what’s more, I’m doing everything possible to stay that way.

Even if I do forget to name my posts every now and again. 😉

 

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. January 12, 2014 9:25 am

    I was happy to not find out until I was in a country that doesn’t demonize the mentally ill. Immigrants and the poor, yes (and alas!), but not the mentally ill. Though being young and stubborn, if I had found out in the States, I sure as hell would’ve told people and damn the cost, hee hee. I’m used to being the outsider! But I certainly don’t blame anyone for not doing the same because of that sort of crap.

    Like

    • January 12, 2014 5:11 pm

      Yes, I used to be very open about my illness until I got burned a couple of times. I still advocate for mental health in my personal life (hence this blog), but at work, I keep my stuff to myself. Like I said, I have to live a double life in order to live a ‘normal’ life, and that part sucks. 😦

      Like

      • January 12, 2014 8:12 pm

        Hopefully, the mental health aspect won’t interfere too much in the new work adventure. 🙂

        Like

  2. Heather permalink
    January 12, 2014 11:44 am

    I so glad to have found your blog. Thank you for your diligence on your posts. I feel understood when I read your blog, even if it’s only me who’s doing the understanding. I wish I could find a group to be able to share the ups and downs of having bipolar disorder. In the meantime I look forward to sharing in your journey!

    Like

    • January 12, 2014 8:59 pm

      Thank you, Heather, and welcome to bpnurse!

      If you’re looking for a support group online, PsychCentral has a great Bipolar support forum. I joined approximately 12 hours after I was diagnosed, and it has been my lifeline. No one else in my family has BP so it’s hard to get them to understand, although they try hard. If you’re looking for a more structured, IRL group, I’d suggest researching DBSA’s and NAMI’s website for the one(s) nearest you. 🙂

      Like

  3. January 14, 2014 7:05 pm

    Do you know what tv show it was? I like to list incidents like that on my website.

    Like

    • January 15, 2014 6:01 am

      I wish I could remember. It was one of the many true-crime dramas they show on that station, to which I’m hopelessly addicted……it’s one of my “guilty pleasures”. 🙂

      Like

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