When I Grow Up…….

…..I wanna be Natasha Tracy.

This lady is arguably the most famous bipolar blogger in the universe. She is the author of at least two blogs that I know of and writes for Healthline; and Heaven knows how many other projects she has going. She’s got tens of thousands of followers from all over the blogosphere, and best of all—she makes a living at writing.

Honestly, I don’t know how she stays organized enough to do what she does. I can barely put together a trip to the toilet (although my organizational skills have improved somewhat since I’ve been in remission). But she does it well, even though she too fights this illness tooth and nail.

Natasha is also boldly, even defiantly bipolar. She’s not afraid to use the term “crazy” to describe herself, and her essays practically crackle with electricity as she dares the reader to judge her because of it. She calls ’em as she sees ’em; and when she doesn’t see ’em, she has the integrity not to make ’em up.

Needless to say, I look up to her—not just as a reader and fellow blogger, but as a bipolar guru of sorts. She is knowledgeable about her own experience, as are we all, but she’s also very educated about the disorder in general and has a wealth of resources that she’s willing to share.

However, I visit her blogs mainly because she’s so down-to-earth about what she experiences as someone who suffers from this illness. Although she is battle-hardened in much the same way that most of us are once we learn to shield ourselves from the slings and arrows that come our way as a result of society’s prejudices, she’s not afraid to let her vulnerabilities show. In fact, she’s like that ONE friend who’ll tell you the unvarnished truth about yourself, while at the same time admitting that she has the same problems.

So yes, I admit it: even at my advanced age, I still dream about becoming a full-time writer and getting rich and famous in the bargain. I’ve been dreaming about that for about 35 years, so it’s probably NOT in the cards for me, but the fantasy is harmless and it gives me incentive to keep plugging away, both at this blog and at my nursing website (which actually pays me a few bucks to write for them).

Granted, I won’t likely achieve much with a bipolar blog on the Internet—there’s probably 10,000 of ’em out there, and I’m no Natasha Tracy—but I do this mostly for enjoyment and catharsis. There’s nothing like writing your way through a situation to help yourself think things out and come up with some ways to resolve it (or, in the case of mental illness, to learn to live with it). And it doesn’t hurt to know there are a few people who look to me for answers about this particular issue.

No, I’m no Natasha, but who knows, maybe I’ll make a name for myself…..when I grow up.