And Now, In Other News…..

Will is starting his oral chemotherapy treatment next week…..thank God. He also has to have periodic injections, the idea of which makes him more nervous than the possible side effects of the treatment, but at last we are going forward. And as for YOU, cancer, you are NOT going to take away my husband any sooner than absolutely necessary, so get used to being corralled by drugs that are stronger than you. Muaaaahahahahaha!

He is actually doing amazingly well, all things considered. Since we got his innards working again, he is eating better and better, and he’s regaining strength every day. He’s even walking the dog and driving again—that’s how good he’s feeling these days. Gone are the nausea, vomiting, and hiccups; gone is the lower-abdominal pain and the nagging discomfort in his upper back. In fact, he’s not taking anything for pain anymore, and he hasn’t used his nausea medication in over a week.

He still tires more easily than he used to, and he has to pace himself in order not to overdo things, which he is apt to do when he’s feeling particularly hale and hearty. He’s also likely to forget his remaining medications—all of which are directed toward keeping the mail moving, so to speak—and I have to remind him at least once a day that he needs to take them to PREVENT disaster from striking. (Hmmm……sounds like someone else who lives at our house.)

I set up his pills in a med-minder every week just like I do my own, and for a man who’s never taken routine medications, he’s not fighting it too hard. I think he realizes what’s at stake here and doesn’t want to risk a repeat of the situation we found ourselves in a couple of weeks ago. Not to put too fine a point on things, but it’s funny how folks never appreciate the ability to take a good crap in the morning until they can’t do it anymore.

Meanwhile, I’m still trying to figure out my next career move. I’m definitely staying on In my current weekend position and taking extra hours when they’re offered, but tomorrow I’m going in early to do a med pass and I’m already stressed about it. It’s a relatively easy pass that always takes me at least an hour and a half because I’m unfamiliar with the residents and the med cart, and of course because I refuse to make a mistake if I can help it at all.

But I’ll do it because I still can manage it, and I said I would. I take comfort in the fact that the pass is the ONLY thing I have to do. There’s no multitasking, no answering the phone or searching for equipment or staff in the middle of it….all I need to do is focus on getting those meds out on time and watching the patients take them.

It seems so simple, but as I’ve acknowledged before, simple is all I can manage at this stage. It makes me sad, and it pisses me off beyond all reason because I used to have such a good mind. But like Will and his digestive workings, I never thought about it or appreciated it until I started having to fight for everything that had once come so naturally.

I hate this…..even the easiest nursing tasks, like that med pass, are like wading through peanut butter. I’ve always had to work harder than everybody else to keep up with its fast pace and ever-shifting priorities, but I could do it as long as I didn’t get completely overwhelmed. Now it takes very little for me to reach critical mass, and I know I need to go find something that’s basically mindless and routine…..AKA boring. Assembly line, anyone?