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Almost Normal

July 27, 2013

Today is a good day.

We slept in our own bed last night…..what a refreshing change from the hospital! This morning, Will woke me up with his usual cheery manner, my cuppa joe in hand and plans for the day on his lips. He’s not nauseated or in pain thanks to some really good medications (all of which cost over $150, which, added to mine, make about $425 that we spent on meds alone in one day) and he’s done the dishes, walked the dog twice, and is now working on his model Sherman tank.

In short…….this is a normal day, just like any one of thousands we’ve spent together. He feels good, looks good, ate bacon and eggs for brunch, and hasn’t vomited. And I haven’t even cried today—I felt the panic bubbling up earlier and promptly tamped it down with a touch of Ativan, and I’m good to go. Thank God.

I am beyond grateful for today. Though I know clinically that this is the calm before the storm,  nothing bad is happening today. He’s happy, alert, alive, and wanting to do things, his symptoms seem to have abated for now, and that is all that matters.

You know, when I stopped drinking I thought I had this “one day at a time” stuff down pat. Turns out I didn’t know squat about it, because it’s only now that I’ve finally accepted that the moment at hand is the only thing we really own—the past is past, and the future is not ours to see. There will still be many moments of overwhelming panic because this thing is way too much to handle in large helpings, but once again……..just for today, everything is exactly as it should be. And for now, that is enough.

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