Why I Have Telephonophobia

I swear, if I were a REAL psych patient having a REAL crisis, all I’d need to go off the rails completely would be this one receptionist at my p-doc’s office whom I’ll call “Mindy”. She is probably all of 24, cute as the proverbial button, and as snippy as they come. I’ve tangled with her before, though we’ve never actually had words, but I have a hard enough time calling the office anyway and her attitude doesn’t make it any easier.

For one thing, is it really any of her business why I want to follow up with the doctor about my medication dosage? Nobody else in that office seems to need the juicy details even though they do ask about the nature of the call, which is perfectly appropriate and necessary. I’ve done triage too.

But I’ve been down from my recent mood episode for only three days—two, if you don’t count the day I spent transitioning from manic to merely hypomanic. The increase in Geodon was to be taken for a week and re-evaluated after that if I were still bouncing around the universe, which admittedly I am not. However, I AM going out of town for a three-day training seminar, which could potentially be de-stabilizing because I’m excited……and yeah, I want my p-doc to be proud of me for being proactive for a change.

So why should I have to justify myself to this snooty little broad who wants to know “Well, why do you think you wouldn’t be all right with your usual dose because you’re going out of town?”

It was all I could do not to say Look, lady, I didn’t say that…..I only called to ask the doctor if HE thought I’d be OK. So why the hell do you think I’m calling—because I want to hear the sound of his voice? REALLY!?? (Although he does have one of the sexiest phone voices I’ve ever heard.) I made it through the conversation without blowing a gasket only because a) I really do want to know if he thinks I’m safe to cut my current dose in half this soon after coming down, and b) I absolutely refuse to be intimidated by someone young enough to be my kid.

But this isn’t the first time she’s rubbed me the wrong way, and I wish my doctor were her employer so he could give her an attitude adjustment, because talking on the phone has always been difficult for me and calling his office is doubly so. Besides…..I’m still learning the business of being officially bipolar; I don’t know if/when I’m overreacting or underreacting, and I’ve been told at least a half-dozen times now that I need to call anytime I’m concerned about my symptoms or have questions that shouldn’t wait till my next session.

So just it’s my luck that when I finally screw up the cojones to call, I wind up talking to “Mindy”. Now all I want to do is talk to a different receptionist and ask her not to bother the doctor because I don’t need him THAT badly. <Insert sarcastic comments here> I’ve got a Friday appointment, and if I get a little elevated again while I’m away it’ll be OK….hey, at least I’d be better able to stay awake during lectures, and the hotel has a swimming pool so I can work off any extra energy afterwards.

Ah, crap. And to think I could’ve saved myself this embarrassing faux pas—I’ve already figured out for myself how to deal with any potential problems that could possibly arise from resuming my standard AP dosage, even if it is only about 72 hours since I came down from outer space. No wonder “Mindy” acts like she has a stick up her butt—she probably answers a dozen dumb phone calls from folks like me every day. (End of sarcastic comments. Thank you for your patience.)

And people wonder sometimes why I have such a nasty case of telephonophobia. I’ve NEVER liked using the phone…..I’d much rather text or send an E-mail, because people like this chick make live calls excruciating for me.

I’ll bet she never even gave him the message, because he hasn’t called me back and he always, ALWAYS calls me back. Sheesh. Guess I’ll just wing it and cut back on the Geodon….after all, I’m not a real psych patient so I don’t need my doctor’s guidance. Sheesh.